Why My Scars Don't Define Me

Why My Scars Don't Define Me

And how I came to accept that.
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I'll start by being completely honest: I'm that girl.

I'm the girl who spent months trying to hide the mistakes I've made and the pain I've caused for myself. I'm the girl who wore long sleeves in warm weather, made up bullshit excuses, and lied to her friends and family. I lied to myself, too. I'm the girl who told myself I was totally fine when I clearly was not. I refused to accept the help I was being given for the longest time because I couldn't get over my pride.

I used to walk around in shame, feeling that every new person I encountered was judging me right off the bat when they learned of what I'd been through. I'll be the first to admit that it wasn't a light, happy subject, and it made me want to retreat inside myself when people recoiled from me. Some days, I didn't even want to approach people or put myself out there in case people thought less of me. It made making friends a challenge and gave me far more anxiety than it should have.

However, whether I like it or not, the things I've been through are forever going to be a part of me. I can't put on a mask forever, plaster on a fake smile all the time, and pretend that everything is always okay. That's just not realistic, and if anything, it'll hurt my relationships in the long term. Avoiding acknowledging my experiences is equivalent to putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. I don't want the people that matter to me to be getting to know a fake version of myself. I'd rather have friends who accept me, but I can't get there if I pretend to be something I'm not.

Now I've reached a place where I'm content with who I am. I'm not hiding myself or worrying constantly that people won't like me once they find out about my past. It's an incredible feeling that I never thought I would be able to make it to.

The past is the past and sometimes I genuinely believe there's no point in dwelling on it. I don't have a time machine, and I can't go back and erase the torment I put myself through at that time. With that being said, I also believe that learning from the past is one of the most important things a person can do for themselves. Reflecting has helped me accept who I am and realize that my scars don't define who I am as a person. Anyone who turns their nose up at me because of that isn't someone I want to spend my time and energy on, so I'm not concerned about risking being judged anymore.

It took me months to finally feel comfortable in my own skin, and I'm even okay with that. I don't feel like that time was wasted. I needed to live those lessons in order to be fulfilled, and it was beyond worth it. My scars don't define me, and I've finally learned how to live with that.

Cover Image Credit: Myself

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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Poetry On The Odyssey: It's a Girl

An ode to the little girl raised to be insecure.

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views

They raise little girls to be insecure

Little girls grow to be big girls

People always ask big girls why they're so insecure

Big girls aren't quite sure

Day after day the big girl can't keep up

She's exhausted

Her soul feels worn

The big girl learns to grow hard

In a way, she's a bit stronger

People call her a bitch

Bitch

What is that?

How can she let that affect her

It's simply the only way to be her

She mourns that little girl

Hoping that one day

She'll be strong


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