Dear First Love and First Heartbreak,

Sometimes relationships don’t turn out the way people hope or plan. Sometimes they don’t last forever. Sometimes they end unexpectedly. People change, circumstances change, dreams change, and it has to come to an end. However, when the time comes to move on from that person, you will face an endless amount of obstacles, but nothing is impossible. I’ve been told that if you overcome your fears, you will be able to conquer the world.

In the future, someone will inform me that you are seeing someone and that you are happy. And I will freeze. I’ll have to hold on tight to whatever is near to keep me from falling over. I know this will happen because it already has once or twice. But, then I will remember all the reasons why I loved you, everything that ever moved me to tears, and everything that made my stomach feel like it was in knots. I’ll remember that you loved me, that you were loyal, that you were open with me, that you helped me in my many times of need, and that when we were together, nothing was impossible. I’ll remember that it was easy, like fate had brought us together for a reason, like it had been a plan all along. But for whatever reason, we let each other go. We could tell the love was still there, but we could no longer have a civil conversation with each other.

I’m not going to tell people that I hate you. I could never hate someone I loved so dearly. I could also never regret our relationship. It was a two and a half year long emotional roller coaster, but I wouldn’t have changed anything. When we were through, I thought my life was over. I didn’t know what to do without you. I thought I was never going to be happy again. I cried for a long time. I cried to my family, my friends, and even to you, even though I was trying to be strong. Everyone told me I was better off, but how could I be without you?

But even after everything that you and I had been through, I came out of it stronger than I thought I was going too. I started to love myself more, I became more confident in myself and the work that I do, and I moved 3,000 miles away from home.

With all this being said, that doesn’t mean I don’t miss you occasionally. I won’t lie and say that I think about you all the time, because I don’t. Sometimes certain songs remind me of you. I can’t help but sometimes reminisce about our time together. I hope you see this and know how much I still genuinely care about you. I hope that you’ll be brave and stay safe for your family these next couple months. I pray that everything is turning out the way you have hoped it to and some day you will think of me and smile.

Thank you for being the villain in my story... and occasionally the hero. You are and always will be an interesting character in my story. However, we weren't meant to have a happy ending, and that’s okay! I wish you the best in your own story and hope you find the happy ending that you deserve.

Sincerely,

Erin