To my dear family,
I have been thinking about you all week. I wanted to thank you for being a part of my life. You have been there for me through all of my ups and downs. This entire week I couldn't stop thinking about you guys! This week, I had realized what family meant in my life.
This week, I was going through the most difficult stage. I had stress, anxiety and was afraid that I would go into depression. I had panic attacks, heart palpitations, melt-downs, etc. Not only were my academics bothering me, but I started thinking a lot about my troubled childhood.
To my parents: I had started feeling that due to my Asperger's, I have hurt you guys. You had to go through a lot of difficulty in handling me. But even I couldn't do much, as I was born this way! Due to my Asperger's, my little brother also went through difficulties, as I didn't treat him well enough. But during that time, even I didn't understand, what was going on. Sometimes I wish that I was as normal as everyone, I wish that my life was easier.
Due to my troubled childhood, I have started to become sensitive and subject to a rise of ego. My ego has always come in between, and I say stuff without thinking or meaning it. I feel frustrated at times as I try not to go through the same difficulties again. Today, I want to apologize for all the trouble I have given you.
I say things like, "leave me alone" or "I don't want you in my life," but this week, I realized how much I need you guys in my life. As much as I love being independent, I realized that I am missing my family's presence. I wish I could eat mom's home-made food, lay on the couch, watch TV, you all giving me cuddles and hugs, etc., or at least speak everyday to you.
I have also understood you guys more. You have been so supportive. From letting me study at K.M and later ICOM, and also moving to Malaysia for me, and by supporting me when I wasn't doing well in ICOM, and now by also supporting me by sending me to Berklee, in spite of the cost being expensive, you guys went through a lot for me!
I promise that I will make it up to you! I promise that I will not take you guys for granted anymore! I promise I will take care of you, the way you have taken care of me! And as for you, my brother, I will try to be a better sister! I will give you all the love that I couldn't give to you earlier! I will try to be much closer!
This week made me realize that there are people who will leave you, but family will always be by your side!
So grateful to have you guys as my family! Love you all loads!