For those of you that don’t know, Sarahah.com is a website which allows people to anonymously send messages to people, provided they have the correct web address. For the most part, it’s good fun. But every once in awhile, some sad soul creeps in and tries to ruin the fun with a rude message.

Seeing as I can’t simply reply to the anonymous message to tell the sender exactly what I think of it, I decided to write a letter instead. Do enjoy.

Dear Hater,

Recently, you sent me a rather...vulgar message which seems to have been intended to hurt me. You sent it to an address I’ve only posted in one group on Facebook, and you didn’t even have the decency to spell it out word for word, instead typing it in an eye-offending text-speak.

I could ask you why you felt the need to send me such a nasty message. I could tell you the definition of “constructive criticism” and explain the differences between that and hate mail. I could also just crawl into bed and obsess over your unnecessary comment, the way a weaker me would have.

But I won’t do any of that. Instead, I’d like to ask you: why? Not why did you send me something so hateful, but why that particular message? Why did you choose my supposedly fat ass to comment on?

I’m almost certain you’ve never actually seen my backside, since 99% of the photos I take are face-focused selfies, and 100% of the photos I’ve posted in the Facebook group we’re both a part of have never shown my butt at all.

One can only imagine that you, like many people, assume that labeling one part of a woman, no matter what part, “fat” is good enough to make her feel bad about herself. Fortunately, I know my worth, and it is not tied up in the size and sum total of my body parts.

Sadly for you, your attempt at offense has failed. But if I may, I’d like to offer some constructive criticism in return. And I won’t even do it hiding behind a wall of anonymity.

Above the Sarahah message box is a little note asking you to “leave a constructive message.” You failed at doing so the first time, but if you like, you’re certainly welcome to try again. For your convenience, a sample of my major flaws is as follows:

1. I have a big nose.
2. I have a soft, chubby tummy.
3. I’m selfish most of the time. Although I am surprisingly loyal to my loved ones, so I like to think it balances out.
4. I have bad joints.
5. I’m guilty of ghosting more than a few people.
6. Sometimes I forget to eat. Sometimes I eat too much. Sometimes I eat only string cheese for days in a row.
7. I’m indecisive and impulsive. Surprisingly, these two things are not mutually exclusive.
8. I forget things a lot.
9. I cry a lot. Pretty much any time I experience an emotion stronger than apathy.
10. I can’t pull off skirts. Dresses, fine. But skirts? Not happening.

There you have it. 10 of my major flaws, right there for the picking. I don’t condone nasty messages, but if you’re going to insult me, you should at least strive to do so accurately.

Or, you know, find a better hobby.