You have been taught to endure painful situations in order to grow. You have been taught that you need to fall in order to get back up. You have been taught that in order to appreciate the light, you have to undergo darkness. You have been taught that being strong comes with a long life of failure. You have been taught that to be thankful for anything life, you have to lose it all. You have to cry, feel pain, and suffer to appreciate anything or grow in any way. As true as that might be, I am sorry for putting you in situations that you did not deserve.
I am sorry for letting people come in and out of your life that have always told you how hard you are to love. I am sorry for letting people stay around much longer than they deserved. I am sorry for saying sorry to everyone but you. I am sorry for posting on social media about self love but not holding you while you cry at night. I am sorry for treating you in ways that other people treat you. I am sorry for listening to all the mean things anyone has ever said about you. I am sorry for thinking you are not good enough. I am sorry for holding your anxiety against you. I am sorry for using those who cannot love you the way you need to be loved as an example for how I should love you. I am sorry for telling you that everyone around you is much better than you will ever be. I am sorry that no matter how many times I say sorry, I know it will not make up for anything I have put you through.
You were born into a family of loss and heartache, I do not know why I would ever put you through it again and again. Your biggest fear is coming last to those who you put first and that is all you have ever seen, I do not know why I would ever put you through it again and again. You surround yourself with people who care and love for you, I do not know why I let you ignore them. I do not know why I let you choose comfort and hurt over happiness and your own solitude. You love being alone but I let you run back to those who make you feel the loneliest in their company.
How can you question someone who hurts you and tells you they love you at the same time, when I do it to you? What kind of example am I setting for you? No wonder people have been so comfortable walking all over you, I do not set boundaries for them and I am sorry. A fear of yours has always been putting your foot down to people but as soon as they do it to you, I am not there to comfort you and I am sorry. I have always put you on the back burner to your own needs because I made sure that you catered to everyone else’s needs first and I am sorry.
You deserve more than "I'm sorry's" without proof from me or anyone. You deserve and are worthy of the love you have been giving to others for years, and I will not allow you to go another day without knowing that. And I want you to know that I love you unconditionally, right now. You are doing your best and that is your greatest accomplishment. I am so proud of you.