They say death and taxes are the only two things that are guaranteed in life; however hurting others is something that cannot be avoided, either.

When I was growing up in elementary school and middle school, I was bullied a lot. So much that I promised myself that I would never hurt someone like the bullies hurt me. However, as I’ve reached my late teens-early twenties, I’ve realized that no matter how hard you try to do the right thing, you can’t always avoid hurting someone.

You can have the best intentions in the world, you can always tell the truth, and you can be looking out for everyone other than yourself, and someone could still get hurt by what you do. As Louis C.K. said, “When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.” This statement, I’ve learned, is completely true. One thing people fail to understand is that even if they think they did everything right and that a person shouldn’t feel hurt over what they’ve done, they don’t get to choose whether that person feels hurt by it or not.

I’ve learned this lesson in 2016, but, looking back, I can see several situations in which it applies and yet, I failed to realize it. In 2013, I got in an argument with my best friend over my girlfriend at the time coming with us on Senior Skip Day even though she wasn’t a senior. My friend didn’t like her and didn’t want her to go, and I ended up defending my girlfriend by yelling at my best friend. Because of this, my best friend and I didn’t speak to one another for over a month. I felt I was in the right and that my friend should just deal with her being there because I wanted her to be there. I felt I did nothing wrong, but I yelled at someone who meant the world to me, and I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. Although I never talked to my best friend on whether this is true, I’m sure hearing me blow up on them did hurt even though, at the time, I felt I was doing what was right.

Another time I can recall was when I was at school in New Hampshire and this girl in my hometown liked me while I was having an on/off thing with my ex. She never made it explicitly clear, but I was able to tell by the way she talked to me. I knew not to flirt with this girl because that would be wrong, but I did enjoy talking, texting, and snapchatting with her, so I made sure I was extra careful to not flirt but just have nice friend conversations with her as that is all I wanted to be with her. I knew this was a tricky situation, friendzoning someone, and feelings could easily get hurt, so I wanted to make sure that I never made any accidental hints or clues towards romantic interests for this girl. After about two weeks of nice friendly conversations, she somehow found out about my on/off situation I was having and she started yelling at me saying I was leading her on and two-timing when, as far as I knew, I didn’t do anything to insinuate that I was interested in being more than friends with her. She sent one final text afterwards, and I didn’t hear from her for nearly two years. In my head, I didn’t say or do anything to lead her on, and yet, she felt that way, and my actions hurt her even though they were of the purest intentions. It might have been simple miscommunication of what we both wanted, but I hurt her even though I didn’t feel like I did anything wrong.

The situation that helped me realize this universal truth about life happened within the past ten months, and I don’t wish to dive too far into the situation. However, it was a relationship that took place over a six-and-a-half-month period of time. The person I hurt, I made sure to always tell the truth to on how I was feeling. I made sure to never lie about my feelings for her, I never cheated, and I truly did care for her. In the end, however, I felt like the relationship was wrong for me as my romantic interest was not progressing further while she told me that she loved me and my mental state was decreasing as I was depressed on and off frequently through the whole relationship. I broke up with her because I felt it was what I needed in order to get better. My friends labeled me as a serial dater before, and I realized I relied too heavily on being with others to make me happy. My stagnate feelings plus this thought process made me know that I needed to end the relationship, and she said she understood and was okay. I never lied to her, and my friends told me I did nothing wrong. However, I watched and heard about her getting worse after our breakup and, eventually, she blamed me for hurting her, saying I lied and she became increasingly cold towards me.

I felt devastated that I did this to another person, and I was constantly thinking to myself, “What did I do wrong? Where did I mess up? I never lied; I was always straight with her, and my feelings were genuine. I did what I felt was best for me, and as long as you do that, you are never wrong to yourself. How did I let myself hurt her?” This questions plagued me until I realized it wasn’t my fault. I did hurt her, but it wasn’t my fault. You can’t choose whether someone gets hurt by your actions; you can only choose what you feel is right for yourself. Even if you choose to do something that you feel is best for someone else, they might not see it that way, and you may end up hurting them. It is impossible to get through this life without hurting another soul, and that is a terrible truth, but a truth nonetheless. You can try to minimize the damage, you can try to do everything that you feel is right for yourself and others, but you can never get through this life without having someone get hurt by what you do. It’s all up to perspective and perception, and we can never understand everyone's.

So this article is for them. To all the people I have hurt and to all the people I will hurt, I am so deeply sorry for what I have done/will do to you. If you don’t know me well, know that I never intentionally hurt another because I know what it is like to be hurt. I know what it’s like to be ignored, beaten down, and cast aside. I know what it’s like to have your heart not just broken but torn out and drowned at the bottom of the ocean. I know what it’s like to be hurt by another, especially someone you care about or admire. If I am ever the one who causes you pain, know that I never meant it and that if I find out about the hurt I’ve caused you, I truly do care. Chances are, I will spend several hours thinking about it and possibly even hating myself for making you feel that way. That’s just the type of person I am. I am sorry. If you can forgive me, I will be so grateful, but if you can’t, I understand. I know now that it is a burden of us all to travel through our lives with the weight of all the hurt we’ve caused on our conscious’ and I am now accepting the fact that I cannot fulfill the promise I made to myself as a young boy. I’m accepting the burden that I carry, and I’m using it to help fuel my drive to make the world a more joyous and forgiving place. I will always spread joy, laughs, good times, and love, and I’m sorry if you weren’t a part of those happy memories. So, if I’ve hurt you, know that I truly care that I did, and, for one last time, I am sorry.