"You look like fun to kiss." He said. I took this in a lighthearted manner, picturing the two of us smooching in a car. The act itself never seemed all that dirty to me. Making out in itself seemed like a good time, something fun and something that friends, strangers at parties, boyfriends, girlfriends, and everywhere in between really often do. Grappling with my sexuality has never really been an easy thing and proved to be that much harder when bombarded with teenage and early twenty college-aged douche bags who just want a quick hook up and decided to go online in order to do so. No one was serious, everyone wanted a plug, a drinking buddy, or a quick bang.
I was even ready to delve into the world of sexuality a little bit, but my boundaries are so very strong and something that I often feel a vast majority of people: especially people on a dating app only looking to hook up are capable of respect. I'll make out with you, I don't mind the feel of lips on mine or a tongue on mine, but don't grab my ass don't go near my chest... just don't.
"Wow... gotta blast."
"You seem like fun."
"What's the point of that?"
"But that's the fun part."
These were all things that were said to me time and time again when I laid out my boundaries. It seems simple and whenever discussing it rarely does anyone around me ever deny that boundaries need to be respected, but the reality of the situation is people are quick to leave you when you don't give them or comply with what they want.
I used to think rather fondly of dating apps. I went on two fantastic one from a tinder match that I connected quite well with, but the longer I spend on it the more I lose my faith in a world that can respect each other without seeing one another for our bodies, for the mystery of what lies beneath our clothes, and the obsession with pleasure and quick satisfaction.
I wish I could just kiss someone, make out, perhaps I wish I could do that without wondering if anything would come after or if any strings would be attached. I wish it could be different and that we could view the world in a bit of a different way, but I also realize change like this isn't gonna happen on apps that people often use for their own sleaze.
In no way do I want to come off bitter, jaded, or as though I have a lack of trust, but it is difficult for me especially watching certain places I used to hold value to be taken completely over by others. Bumble is a good example of an app that I think had such wonderful potential and such a wonderful basis. The entire idea is that women message the men first, giving them the opportunity to choose who they specifically want as well as hopefully cut back slightly on the creepy first messages and awkward one-liners that guys so often send as openers to conversations. However, the concept of feminism was quickly taken down by the horny bastards using the entire app as nothing more than the opportunity to bust a nut and get quick hookups.
I won't say my experience with online dating has been all bad, as a matter of fact, I have had two very successful dates all from the world-renowned dating app, Tinder, and if we really want to spill the tea on my dating details I even had my very first kiss from a guy I met on Tinder (I know I had in late in life cut me a break.) The fact is, for every good egg you find there's a thousand bad and although that's true of everything it seems to be absolutely painfully true when it comes to trying to find your beau online. So to those trying it: best of luck. And to those like me: maybe it's time for a break... a permanent one.