It's become a pattern that I've learned all too well.

You leave, but you don't stay gone.

You abandon the things you want to keep and you linger in places you want to stay in but can't quite do what your heart says.

What makes you think that it is okay

to leave and return

all at once?

That's the thing about you,

that's the thing about people like you.

You walk into a life that you know you will hurt,

a life you know you don't belong in,

but you stay because you say that they are a

being that you don't want to miss out on.

That their warmth is too comfortable to not be felt

and their presence is something that needs to be heard.

You will give me water when I am thirsty,

feed me when I am starving,

you will hold my hand when I’m feeling far too numb,

and hold me closer when I am feeling too distant.

"I'm not worthy, I do not deserve you.

You do not love me, maybe you are just lonely.

I've been chasing you for months, when did you decide

to turn around and run to me?"

You stay silent

and I think that's because maybe

nothing is what I deserve

but instead you pull me closer

and it feels like every conversation with the sun that I've had,

where she would talk about the moon

and I would talk about you,

started leaking off of your mouth

as we kissed and kissed and kissed.

I would have to stumble back home drunk

because I would taste the moonlight dripping off your tongue.

Before I knew it, I could see how much of a storm you are, a hurricane at best.

When the person I thought you were turns into the sad reality of who you really are,

when every bone in your body gives out and you tell me

that I will find someone better than you.

When you tell me that you just had to try, that you just

needed that chance.

When you had me loving every ounce of your being

when you had no intentions of loving me back.

That isn't romantic. That isn't sweet.

Best friends don't think that way, not one bit.

How is the idea of being engulfed by ones’ existence that they had to risk breaking them to know that they could be the one they were missing out on loving in any way?

You gamble with lost souls to please your own.

You'll hold me in your lap and tangle your fingers in my hair,

but before you say you love me,

you're already halfway out the door

without even the nerve of letting me go with grace.

Almost as if the human heart has very little meaning to you.

I keep telling myself that I was just loving the wrong person.

That I was letting them steal my time

and strip me of my youth

and I keep saying that maybe her and I were the same

that we were both haunted and just looking for heaven together.

But I have to stop blaming myself.

Because that's the thing about people like you,

you would point your fingers at anyone else

but as soon as they bend it back towards you,

you become nothing but the hurricane you always were.

Hiding behind a cloud,

hiding behind the sun.

You blinded everyone thinking you were good,

but in the end,

you're just like the rest.

You are selfish.

I don't remember the songs that were playing

the night we met,

or the ones playing when we watched the stars dance

at the park,

or the ones playing the night you held my hand,

or when we laid together for hours

and kissed and kissed and kissed.

But I do remember the ones

that played

every single moment

after you left for good,

after your last goodbye,

after leaving so selfishly without a single thought

of the damage your storm left behind

and boy is it tragic.