Being Immersed With Somebody Who Doesn't Feel The Same

Being Immersed With Somebody Who Doesn't Feel The Same

Love functions in weird ways, but it's okay, we've all been there.
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It is always when the darkness dons on me, that my mind wanders into little cracks that I thought I cut off forever. Love truly is a disgusting thing, it is a distraction from reality and a hypothetical, floating conception that leads to a stuffy little dimension ripped apart from the real world.

Not that I spend every hour consciously thinking “God, I love you so much”, but it’s a feeling. A feeling like I should evaporate whenever I hear their name leeching onto different corners of my brain.

And it’s the worst when you know they don’t feel the same- when they don’t care, or even better, are stuck up on somebody else. Feeling soft, curling up like bark on trees, I tell myself, “okay you need to stop. god, just look at yourself. you can’t even eat properly or study or hold a conversation without their dumb name popping up in your head a million times”.

And I know we have our own lives, spiral in our orbits and get sleepy-eyed to different sunsets. You’re seeing red and orange and I'm watching the sun fall in pinks and magenta and light oranges and deep red. and sometimes I think about the shape of you and the swell of your ribs when you take a deep breath and then I get annoyed with myself.

A little quarter of my brain begs for me to shut up before it gets devoured by the less rational of my brain, that’s like: imagine watching the sunset with him? And the spaces around this word, his name, in my brain creates a paroxysm in my stomach.

But you know what? Sometimes you will lose a person to a winter of your own hands, maybe you’re too ashamed to bring it up and the mere thought of it holds poison.

You might spend a month with the attempt to forget about this person and it’ll yawn in you. Or you might tell them again and again and the world can either come together in light and desire and dream…or it may crash together sharply, but you’ll never know until you just say it.

Cover Image Credit: Didem Arslanoglu

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An Open Letter To The Boy I Never Dated

Thanks for the memories.
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Dear Boy I Never Dated,

You know who you are. I just want to get a couple things off my chest.

First, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being my friend, my ally, and at one point an important part of my life. Despite the fact that our relationship never went past the friend stage, I will never regret the time I spent with you or the memories we made. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so we were meant to be in each other's lives. Sure, I could go on and say that you missed out, how I'm an awesome person and all that stuff but that wouldn't do anything. We're both awesome people. Us never being a couple could never take away from that.

Honestly, I still consider us to be friends no matter where life takes us. I'm only one text or Snapchat away.

I do want to make one thing clear: I've moved on. I don't care what you've thought in the past or what you've been told, I'm seriously over it. I've been over it, despite what you think. I'm over everything; the pointless drama, the rumors, the over-thinking, and the self-doubt. I no longer care that you weren't interested in me in "that way." Honestly, this all went down so long ago that I don't even remember everything that happened.

I've met new people, had new experiences, and grew as a person. You've even noticed that I've changed. I'm the not the same girl that pined for you all those years ago. I care about you, obviously, but I know where we stand. Neither one of us needs to deal with the what-ifs or maybe-some-days. We both deserve loving committed relationships where the person you're with is 100% invested in you and vice versa. So maybe I am a text away, but that doesn't mean I'm available anymore.

If there's one thing about people that can get you down is that we're always disappointing. Either we're disappointing other people or disappointing ourselves. It is way too easy to break your own heart. I was guilty of that I think. I got too optimistic and thought we were on some path to greatest when in reality we were just two young kids that enjoyed spending time together. When things didn't go in my favor, I probably placed the blame on you because I was upset.

It took time for me to reflect and finally accept that I wasn't perfect, either. Now, I don't think anyone was at fault. Whether it was bad timing, lack of compatibility, or maybe lack of maturity neither one of one did anything wrong. At the time, it seemed so horrible that we never even tried but when I look back it's not a big deal.

To be completely honest, I'm now glad we never dated. There is no more resentment, bitterness, or pettiness. I don't think there was any to begin with, but I apologize if there was. Our lives may be going toward separate paths, but they're both paths of greatest. I'm completely, absolutely happy with where I am in life and all I can say is that I wish the same for you. When our paths do cross again someday, I'll be more than happy to see you.

With (platonic) love,

The Girl You Never Dated


Cover Image Credit: freestocks.org

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11 Ways To Get Over The Guy Who Doesn't Deserve You

"I'm just sayin' you could do better." - Drake

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Ah, I just love the smell of relationships. But of course, all good things must come to an end. Recently, one of my close friends was broken up with. Instead of creating some actual damage to her ex-boyfriend's car, I thought it would be better to help her and the other ladies out there that have had their hearts broken before. Here are 11 ways to get over the asshole that won't ever get anyone as great as you!

1. Cry

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Crying is good for the soul. Don't think of it as a sign of weakness. It just your heart trying to cope. Remember: It's okay to cry!

2. Spend time with your friends 

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Ever since my friend became single, she's been spending more time hanging with the people that have cared about her all along. Since the break-up, she's seemed happier, more energetic, and most of all, herself. Your friends bring out the best in you. And even when you don't want to smile because you're sad, your friends will be there to listen and take you out of that funk with a stupid joke.

3. Delete them 

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Okay, now I know this one may be hard or it may be "too soon." But, the longer you keep them on your social media, have them in your phone or see a picture of you two together, it's going to be harder to get rid of that person you once thought could be "the one." You don't have to do this the day after, but hopefully, sometime soon after the break-up, they'll no longer have a place in your virtual life.

4. Comfort food 

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Did somebody say ice cream?

5. Slowly but surely start getting ridding of "stuff" 

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You know the stuff I'm talking about. The necklace that he gave you two years ago on Valentine's Day doesn't matter anymore. Getting rid of those little things you two shared will help you to not only part with him but move forward in your life.

6. Go for a run 

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We all know once those endorphins are released, there's no taking you out of a good mood. Get those legs going, headphones in your ears, and heart rate up. Your mood will go from zero to a hundred real quick.

7. Go out and live your best life 

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Whether that's staying in with a glass of wine or having a night out at the club with your girls, go out and live your best life. Now's the time to be free and focus on yourself! Get to know you're fun side.

8. Understand that there will be other people  

This one may be very hard to really grasp, but I know you're strong and that you can do it. One breakup is not the end of the world. Think about it this way - everything happens for a reason. Maybe your prince charming is right around the corner!

9. Listen to music 

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Plug in your headphones and just get in your feelings. It doesn't matter if you have a "Fuck You" playlist dedicated to him or an "I Still Love You" playlist. Get those feelings out. Just vibe.

10. Write out what you're feeling 

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Writing helps me clear my head so much. Just getting your thoughts out onto a piece of paper really helps to see where your mind is at. Don't think. Just write what you feel.

11. Go in the mirror and tell yourself, "I deserve better" 

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Trust me, honey. You can do better.

Break-ups are not easy to get through, but just know that a day will come when your daughter is crying about the boy who broke her heart. Tell her the story about how yours broke and how you got through it. The strongest women are the most admirable.

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