Being Immersed With Somebody Who Doesn't Feel The Same

Being Immersed With Somebody Who Doesn't Feel The Same

Love functions in weird ways, but it's okay, we've all been there.
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It is always when the darkness dons on me, that my mind wanders into little cracks that I thought I cut off forever. Love truly is a disgusting thing, it is a distraction from reality and a hypothetical, floating conception that leads to a stuffy little dimension ripped apart from the real world.

Not that I spend every hour consciously thinking “God, I love you so much”, but it’s a feeling. A feeling like I should evaporate whenever I hear their name leeching onto different corners of my brain.

And it’s the worst when you know they don’t feel the same- when they don’t care, or even better, are stuck up on somebody else. Feeling soft, curling up like bark on trees, I tell myself, “okay you need to stop. god, just look at yourself. you can’t even eat properly or study or hold a conversation without their dumb name popping up in your head a million times”.

And I know we have our own lives, spiral in our orbits and get sleepy-eyed to different sunsets. You’re seeing red and orange and I'm watching the sun fall in pinks and magenta and light oranges and deep red. and sometimes I think about the shape of you and the swell of your ribs when you take a deep breath and then I get annoyed with myself.

A little quarter of my brain begs for me to shut up before it gets devoured by the less rational of my brain, that’s like: imagine watching the sunset with him? And the spaces around this word, his name, in my brain creates a paroxysm in my stomach.

But you know what? Sometimes you will lose a person to a winter of your own hands, maybe you’re too ashamed to bring it up and the mere thought of it holds poison.

You might spend a month with the attempt to forget about this person and it’ll yawn in you. Or you might tell them again and again and the world can either come together in light and desire and dream…or it may crash together sharply, but you’ll never know until you just say it.

Cover Image Credit: Didem Arslanoglu

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.

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Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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We Were Going Out, Then I Guess You Fell Off The Planet Or Something

Boo, looks like another one bites the dust.

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I'm going to preface this article by saying that while it is written from a heteronormative standpoint, it can apply to any single person who's done you dirty. So no matter your identity you know the feeling when you feel it.

Picture this: you've gone on a wonderful date or three, you talked nonstop and wow maybe there's something here. The little insects start to crawl around and you find yourself thinking about it in class. You sit in your room thinking about what-ifs and new date ideas and you actually wear nice clothes around campus. He texts you saying how fantastic it was and starts talking about future dates.

Then it happens. His texts become far and few, and then they stop.

And you sit there wondering what you possibly did. Was I too aggressive? Was I not aggressive enough? Did I eat too much food? Talk through the movie? Did I not apply enough makeup? You start to spiral and feel like you're not good enough. Your stomach sinks and you begin to accept the fact that you're just going to die alone with 18 goats and seven cats.

Someone call Ghostbusters because you just got ghosted. No explanation, no reason. Maybe he got into a freak accident, "Mean Girls" style. Even though it's not a heartbreak, and you tell yourself he's not worth it, you can't help but put it in your pocket and hold onto those feelings of insecurity and sadly, loneliness. "Thank U, Next" starts playing but you can't stop that feeling, and it sucks, a lot. You feel a bit hopeless and decide to become a hermit and swear off men for good.

So please if you go on a date, and you're not feeling it, BE HONEST!!!

Just tell them so they don't sit around and wait, hoping you'll text them saying you were buried alive somewhere and just got out, and that's why you didn't respond to their texts. Just say "hey, you're great, but I don't see this going anywhere." You stop wasting your time and theirs so that you all can move on to the next, or not.

I used to ghost — until it happened to me, and I realized how toxic it is.

It's awful and just knocks us down a confidence peg that it already in place due to social constructions of beauty. I already feel like garbage about the pimple on my face, and now you can't respond to my texts? I must be ugly or something, like damn.

Maybe I'm oversensitive, but I believe actions and words go hand in hand. Don't act like everything's fine and then the next it's not. I'm left here confused and disgruntled, wondering where I went wrong, texting my friends who can't even tell me because nobody can, except you, the only other person there. The one who can't even give me common decency to tell me I was too extra for them.

SEE ALSO: I Asked 17 Guys Who Ghosted Me Why, And This Is What They Said

It's so hard to think, but its not your fault. Stop going on the dating apps trying to find another one, and just work on yourself. Go get your nails done, go hiking or read a great book. Remember that you are enough and a million ghosts will never ever take that away from you.

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