I'll start with a brief background about my relationship with my dad. He and my mom were married until I was 12 — when he decided to change his addiction from pain meds to crystal meth. While I have some good memories from the first 12 years of my life, they were very rough. My parent's relationship included lots of screaming arguments, 911 calls, domestic abuse charges, and drunken fighting.

Anyway, my dad started acting really crazy (due to the meth) that led to my mom stealing his hair out of the trash to drug test him. This led to their eventual divorce and I saw my dad on and off until he went to prison/rehab for two and a half years for breaking and entering. At this point, he was addicted to heroin. My relationship was very rocky and on/off with him until I was around seventeen years old when I decided to give him another chance. But I promised myself it would be the last time (and it was).

On my 19th birthday, I got a birthday card from my dad. I was really excited to be honest because my dad had forgotten every birthday of mine after I turned 12. I had always craved attention from my dad and was proud to be the closest to him of my three sisters. The birthday card said:

"My true gift is the word accountability. The key to a successful and happy life is accountability. One, establish your goals. Two, choose who is involved in your life. Three, hold yourself and those you have chosen to a standard of accountability. Four, never compromise yourself — if they cannot hold the standard then move on."

The rest of the card had typical birthday things written — I love you, I'm glad to be a part of your life, etc. The important thing — the thing that sticks out to me to this day — is holding yourself and the people in your life to a certain standard of accountability.

I'm accountable for my words and actions just as much as the next person right?

Where he says "If they cannot hold the standard then move on," is crucial to this lesson he's trying to teach me. Why allow people into your life that don't hold themselves to the same accountability as you do?

It's simple: if you fuck up, own up to it, apologize, and DO BETTER.

I still live by this lesson to this day, even though the person who taught me it does not.

The catch here is that he didn't, and hasn't, practiced what he preached. My dad continuously relapses and destroys his health, destroying his relationships as well. When a person you love relapses, you have no clue what to do, especially when it's your parent. I felt like the parent, not his child. I offered him somewhere to sleep, someone to vent to.

When my dad relapsed and I didn't accept his behavior as OK, I was "crazy." I "needed meds." I "am just like my mother," I am "fake," "unloyal," and the list goes on and about what he said about me. For a while, I believed him. I felt ashamed of myself for being so emotional and hurt or that I even said anything.

This is not healthy or OK. He was the crazy one, the hypocrite, the one who was unloyal. He broke MY trust.

The lesson here is accountability — taking responsibility for yourself, your words, and your actions. But the lesson is also to not allow someone, even if you love them from the bottom of your heart, make you feel crazy for doing what you feel is right. Don't let someone trick you into believing your standards are too high or your mental health doesn't matter. It does matter, and if they think your standards are too high then do just what No. 3 says to do — move on. Leave them behind, you'll be better without them.

If you're wondering what I did, yes, I moved on. I turned a corner in my life and I am never looking back. I love my dad, who he was — who he is when he is sober. I had to learn a hard lesson — that you can not change who a person is, no matter how bad you want too or try too. Instead, I'm fixing me and I hope you are, too.