You think that I will always be here. That I sit around every day pining for you, that you are all that I want or have ever wanted in my life. You think that I'll always be here waiting for you to figure yourself out, and that I'm just going to let you continue messing around until you figure out what you want- whether I'm included in that or not. In your mind, everything in my life revolves around you, what you're doing, what you're feeling, what you ate for dinner. You let me go only to come back stronger and then let me go again, without fear, because I'll always be here just waiting for you, right?
Wrong, you couldn't possibly be more wrong.
I'm not your silly little toy on the shelf that you can play with when you're bored. I'm a living, breathing human who will not wait around for you forever. Desperation is not in my vocabulary, I don't stay because I'm desperate, I stay because I actually care. Do I care about you now? Yeah, for some reason I truly do. Will I always care about you if you keep acting like this? Maybe not. Nothing's guaranteed and I do have a life, after all. I'm enrolled full time in a very demanding school, have a job, have friends, value my family, and I also value my time. The time that you can't seem to stop wanting to waste, and that I don't have very much of in the first place.
I'll let you in on a little secret:
One day, I won't be waiting anymore. I will no longer reply when you pop back up because you miss me and you changed your mind and you're "really and truly ready this time." Give me a break, you don't care, you don't "miss me", and I don't think you ever did really care, as much as you said you did anyway. However, I still do wonder if you ever will care. I'm a sufferer of the "what could have been" syndrome and I hate that I'm like this, but I unfortunately am.
I've learned a lot while riding on this nonstop roller coaster that you've put me on, and all I can really ask or say is "why?" Why would you ever want to treat someone like me this way? Is it because I really could hurt you because I myself have goals and dreams and I'm not a puppet on a string like your past loves? I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason and that's why I keep letting myself go back, because if I really wanted to completely walk away, I could. I have before.
Prove me wrong.
Prove to me that you can man up and treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Don't let me feel like I'm wasting my time. Open up, let me in, break down your walls. I know you are scared because I am too, I let you in after all. I just worry you'll wait too long and I'll be gone, because I'd hate for that to happen. I truly would. I might wait for you now, but just remember: one day, I will not.