To The Guy I'm Not Going To Wait Forever For

To The Guy I'm Not Going To Wait Forever For

Please stop trying to make me wait around for you.
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You think that I will always be here. That I sit around every day pining for you, that you are all that I want or have ever wanted in my life. You think that I'll always be here waiting for you to figure yourself out, and that I'm just going to let you continue messing around until you figure out what you want- whether I'm included in that or not. In your mind, everything in my life revolves around you, what you're doing, what you're feeling, what you ate for dinner. You let me go only to come back stronger and then let me go again, without fear, because I'll always be here just waiting for you, right?

Wrong, you couldn't possibly be more wrong.

I'm not your silly little toy on the shelf that you can play with when you're bored. I'm a living, breathing human who will not wait around for you forever. Desperation is not in my vocabulary, I don't stay because I'm desperate, I stay because I actually care. Do I care about you now? Yeah, for some reason I truly do. Will I always care about you if you keep acting like this? Maybe not. Nothing's guaranteed and I do have a life, after all. I'm enrolled full time in a very demanding school, have a job, have friends, value my family, and I also value my time. The time that you can't seem to stop wanting to waste, and that I don't have very much of in the first place.

I'll let you in on a little secret:

One day, I won't be waiting anymore. I will no longer reply when you pop back up because you miss me and you changed your mind and you're "really and truly ready this time." Give me a break, you don't care, you don't "miss me", and I don't think you ever did really care, as much as you said you did anyway. However, I still do wonder if you ever will care. I'm a sufferer of the "what could have been" syndrome and I hate that I'm like this, but I unfortunately am.

I've learned a lot while riding on this nonstop roller coaster that you've put me on, and all I can really ask or say is "why?" Why would you ever want to treat someone like me this way? Is it because I really could hurt you because I myself have goals and dreams and I'm not a puppet on a string like your past loves? I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason and that's why I keep letting myself go back, because if I really wanted to completely walk away, I could. I have before.

Prove me wrong.

Prove to me that you can man up and treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Don't let me feel like I'm wasting my time. Open up, let me in, break down your walls. I know you are scared because I am too, I let you in after all. I just worry you'll wait too long and I'll be gone, because I'd hate for that to happen. I truly would. I might wait for you now, but just remember: one day, I will not.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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The Truth About Dating A Girl With An Anxiety Disorder

She knows how annoying she can be, but she just prays you love her regardless of her flaws.

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Anxiety: A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

The definition makes it sound really daunting. Truthfully, there is no one way to describe generalized anxiety disorder if you have it. It is hard to live with, hard to cope with and unfortunately, really hard to date with.

Girls with anxiety are different than the average girl when it comes to relationships. That's just an honest statement, no matter how much it hurts me to say it.

We need the constant reminder that you love us, even though we know in our hearts that you do. We panic when you don't answer your phone, in fear that we did something wrong. We care about your feelings when you say that we don't need to worry and we need to be a little calmer. But it's so damn hard.

It isn't easy to love someone who worries about everything 24/7. Half the time, we know we shouldn't be doing the things we do. We know we shouldn't blow up your phone or ask just one more time if you are mad at us. But we can't help it. It says it right in the definition: compulsive behavior due to excessive uneasiness.

Being with a girl with anxiety is probably downright exhausting. It's exhausting for us to have our minds constantly running and worrying. But I promise it's worth it.

We come to you with everything because you are the one person who always knows how to make us feel better. When we are happy, you are the one person we want to be happy with. We all know the constant reassurance, reminders and the same old arguments get old. It gets old to us too.

There was never a time I wanted to have a panic attack because my boyfriend wasn't answering his phone. In my head, I knew where he was because he was usually in the same three places. I knew he wasn't mad at me because I didn't do anything to make him upset. I knew how busy he was with his classes and he was probably studying and I needed to give him space. But the little voice in my head always argued, "What if you did something wrong? What if he's ignoring you because he's angry? What if he's seen your messages and calls, but no longer wants to be with you?" And then I give in. I call, I text, I cry, I panic. Only to feel even worse 10, 30 or 50 minutes later because you answer angrily, telling me what I already knew after I did what I knew I shouldn't have done.

Having anxiety is almost like having a drug addiction. You know all the things that trigger you. You know all the ways to stay away from the bad places in your mind so you don't end up relapsing. But you do anyway and it hurts worse every single time.

Dating a girl with anxiety is as hard as it gets, but she will love you like no other. She is so incredibly thankful for all the things you put up with to be with her. Because she is worried about being loved, she goes the extra mile to always remind you how much you are loved. She always asks if you are ok because she cares about the answer and knows what it's like not to be ok.

The truth is that dating anybody with anxiety is difficult, but it isn't impossible. You get back everything you put in, even though you may not realize it. Trust me, she is sorry for being the annoying, crying, worried, naggy mess and it embarrasses her because she knows better and she wants to be better for you. But please love her. Hold her, understand her, listen to her, calm her, be there for her. In your heart, you know she would turn around and do all the same things for you in a heartbeat.

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7 Things To Remember When You're Sad About Being Single

I don't need a significant other, I have my significant self.

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Let's stop the stigma around being single. Those who aren't in a relationship are not "weak," "missing out," "lonely," etc. We're doing just fine on our own, honey. There may be many plus sides of being in a relationship such as having a cuddle buddy, someone who, without a doubt, will always buy you food, or sharing your love for in each other in endless, cute ways. Buuuuttt... let's not forget these reasons why being single can be so amazing!

1. You save money 

Less shopping for you on Valentine's Day, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. SAVE THAT MONEY, HONEY!

2. You can flirt with whoever you want...

...for the most part, at least. Definitely not if they already have a significant other. But now, you don't have to feel guilty for having googly eyes for someone else!

3. You can completely unplug whenever 

You don't have to worry about constantly keeping tabs on someone. No more answering to someone's every call. You can go completely tech-free whenever!

4. You have more time...

...to find yourself, love yourself, and put yourself first. Also, just more time to watch Netflix and hang with family and friends.

5. You are saying goodbye to heartbreak 

No one can breakup with you if you're single, #facts.

6. Everything you do is for yourself 

Decision making can be hard as it is, so making decisions that benefit you AND another person can be draining. Now, you don't have to worry about making someone else happy.

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