For The Older Sister You Don't Know What You'd Do Without

For The Older Sister You Don't Know What You'd Do Without

You annoy me to no end, but my life would be completely different without you in it.


To my older sister,

You always used to tell me that when Mom and Dad told you that they were going to have another baby, I was supposed to be a boy, but you wished on a penny and threw it in a water fountain that you would have a baby sister. Therefore, you magically determined my gender and that's why I wasn't that into "girly" toys when I was a child. You were a weird kid for that. Everyone knew me as "Hannah" before I was born and when you met me in that hospital room, you said you didn't like my new name. Too bad, I'm stuck with it my whole life.

Each person in our family said I looked just like you when I was fresh out of the womb. As I got older, some people still said that we were similar, but then I started getting that I looked like our brother. Someone even noted that I resembled if you guys had a kid, I hated that. Guaranteed, I was probably one shade darker than albino and you could've passed for a different ethnicity. My friends used to ask me all of the time if we had different parents because you were so much tanner than I was. Even if we did, it wouldn't matter. You helped raise me being six years older than I am.

Just like any other younger sibling, I wanted to do everything you were doing. You were a cheerleader so I wanted to become a cheerleader. I wanted every single article of clothing that you owned and I was angered when you got a cell phone before me. I was your test subject for cheer stunts and beauty products, willingly or unwillingly. If you gave our parents attitude, I gave our parents attitude.

Being the first-born, you were the one who got to test out Mom and Dad's waters. You weren't a bad teenager, the rules were just more of a suggestion to you. You made some pretty dumb mistakes but bounced back in the end. I knew not to make those faults when I reached your age, you even told me not to make those choices. You have a healing soul and like to help people, it's just in your nature, but sometimes it could tire you out and stress out immensely. You are one of the strongest people I know in my life, you've handled endeavors that would knock people down for years. You probably don't realize it, but I admire you greatly.

You're super protective of me. You can roast and tease me all you want, but as soon as someone else tries to do the same or actually has intentions of hurting me, you go into full mama bear mode. People throwing threats and insults at you doesn't hit close to home, but when it's on your baby sister, you like to get a tad angry. You're the only person who understands my crazy family because you're apart of it. We have no shortage of inside jokes or memories, talking to each other with nonverbal communication.

I can tell you anything in the world and not be judged for it. I can call you in the middle of the night and you would still come get me. You confide in me your darkest secrets. You're like a built-in best friend. Thank you for being there all my life.

I don't know what I would do without you.


Your little sister

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Dear Mom, Now That I'm Older

A letter to the woman who made me the woman I am today.

Dear Mom,

Now that I'm older, I definitely appreciate you a lot more than I did as a kid. I appreciate the little things, from the random text messages to constantly tagging me on Facebook in your "funny" photos and sending me pins of stuff I like on Pinterest. Now that I'm older, I can look back and realize that everything I am is all because of you. You've made me strong but realize it's okay to cry. You've shown me how a mother gives everything to her children to give them a better life than she had, even when she's left with nothing. And, most importantly you've taught me to never give up and without this, I would not be where I am today.

Mom, now that I'm older, I realize that you're the best friend I'm ever going to have. You cheer me on when I try new things and support me in deciding to be whatever person I want to be. Thank you for never telling me I can't do something and helping me figure out ways to be the best woman I can be. Your love for me is unconditional. They say true, unconditional love can only come from God, but mom, I think you're a pretty close second.

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Now that I'm older, I don't get to see you as much. But not seeing you as much just makes the times I do get to see you the absolute best, and I look forward to it every time. Now that I'm older, I'm not going to live at home. But, I promise to always come back because I know the door is always open. Your house is always going to be my home, and no other place is going to be the same.

Now that I'm older, I realize how much I miss you taking care of me. I miss you making me dinner, making sure I was doing well in school, and taking me to endless appointments. I miss you waking me up for school and then waking me up again because I didn't listen the first time.

But, Mom, now that I'm older, I can see all that you've done for me. I can look back and see how big of a brat I was but you still loved me (and let me live) anyways. I can understand why you did certain things and frankly, you're one bada** of a woman.

To have you as my mom and my best friend has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. So, Mom, now that I'm older, thank you, for everything.


Your Daughter

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Here's Your Reminder To Let The People You Care About KNOW That You Love Them

It's so scary to think that one moment everything is fine and then something happens so out of no where and out of your control.


Last week I stared at my phone screen, not believing what my friend had just told me. Our close friend's father had just passed. I didn't know him well, but there was still a huge knot in my stomach, obviously feeling awful for my friend. That has to be one of the most horrible things, that I could never in a million years imagine having to go through. I told my friend I was thinking of her, but honestly, I tried to push it out of my mind that entire week. It's so scary to think that one moment everything is fine and then something like this happens so out of nowhere and out of your control.

Sometimes things happen in our lives that are unexplainable. This semester has had its ups and downs for me, but it's been pretty smooth sailing overall. I usually gladly stay on campus for the weekends, surrounded by my friends and so much going on, rather than taking the hour-long train ride home. Of course, I miss my family, but I am rarely thinking about it, especially on a Friday night.

This past weekend, however, I had this overwhelming desire to be at home for the weekend, and I couldn't figure out why. Sure, I had more work to do than normal so going home would probably force me to be more productive. I had also been sick that week, so it would be easier to kick my cold in the comfort of my own home than in my dorm. And as much as I adore Brower (not really), it can never hurt to get a good home cooked meal. I kept telling myself I would be home for spring break in two weeks, so none of these reasons really added up to my wanting to be home for the weekend.

Nevertheless, after a late date night on Friday, I decided to pack up my things early Saturday morning and haul my duffel bag to the train. And by the end of my weekend at home, I realized why I needed to be there so badly. I hadn't really confronted how hearing about the loss made me feel and how it was affecting me.

Writing this sounds selfish. Why should it matter how I feel when someone I care about is over there grieving and going through such immense pain? But after a week of pushing it out of my mind, I saw these events as an eye opener for my own life. Even though I have a really close bond with my own father, we fight a lot more often than I'd like, and sometimes I need a reminder to just let things go. I don't show it enough, but I love my dad so much and need to be grateful for the important role he plays in my life.

It sounds like stating the obvious to preach the importance of cherishing every second because you don't know when will be the last, but we often forget. No one should have to suffer through loss, and it scares me the more and more I think about it. I wish there was such a thing as the perfect thing to say to help someone through such an unexplainable situation like this. I guess all you can do is be there for them, give the people you love a hug, and appreciate the little moments you're lucky enough to spend with family.

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