The world is crashing down around me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. The sky is falling, the land is filling with water. Oh, no, I am drowning. I am drowning now and there is nothing I can do to stop it. There is no one around me.
Oh, no, I am alone. I am all alone and I am dying. I am dying now and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Ah, there we go. I do not want to stop it anymore. That feels better now. I no longer feel anything. I am numb. Numb, alone and dying.
This is what it feels like for me when I am going through a depressive episode. In reality, I am not alone and am surrounded by my husband and our two children, but I feel alone. In a home with my family, I feel hopeless. I lack all motivation to keep pushing; but, somehow, I do. The world feels like it is caving in on me and I lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. I lose sight of the positivity and happiness that life can bring.
In moments like those, I lose sight of what is important and I lose sight of where I want to go in life. Cleaning? Yeah, that does not happen. Homework? Yeah, not a chance. Working on one of my books in progress (working on becoming a well-known author)? What is writing again? Oh, I am usually creative? Where did my creativity go? Give it back!
Ooo, food! Yes, give me the oreo cheesecake filling! Yum! Oh, wait, what is this?? The fog is lifting and I do not feel so helpless anymore. Where did this come from? *looks down at the oreo cheesecake stuff I am eating* Oh, this is your doing, huh? *smiles and eats another spoonful* Happiness feels good.
Sadly, this happens more often than I would like to admit, but I know that I am not alone in my depression; or even my anxiety. As a full-time mother, college student, and the Social Media Direct (and Content Creator) of SNHU Odyssey, I do not have time for depression. I do not have time for anxiety. These two things are what is holding me back.
But when the depression passes, oh, man, I feel so alive. My motivation returns, I stop eating as much, I begin to feel creative again. When I become depressed, I keep going knowing that moments like those are coming. So, please, keep pushing through your depression and anxiety, whether the light is close or so far away that you question if there is a light. YOU CAN DO IT! If I can, you can.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. — Confucius
It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius
Believe in yourself, take on your challenges, dig deep within yourself to conquer fears. Never let anyone bring you down. You got to keep going. – Chantal Sutherland
Believe you can and you’re halfway there. — Theodore Roosevelt