Ode To My Messy Bun

Ode To My Messy Bun

I freakin' love you.

Dear Messy Bun,

Oh how you sit so perfectly on the side of my head, casually giving me the look of "I don't care today" and "I woke up like this".

I really don't know what I would do without you--when I'm running late and don't have time to shower, when I had time to shower but decided not to and now my hair is disgusting, or when I just can't wear it down anymore. You are the real MVP.

You have saved me in times of distress--when I wanted to wear a big comfy sweater, you are the perfect complement, when I want to throw on a hoodie and don't want my hair down, thank you for being there, and when I don't want to brush my hair in the morning, god bless your soul.

Messy Bun, I owe it all to you. You make me look good, even when I'm looking bad. You are there for me when my hair won't cooperate, when I literally roll out of bed and head to class, when I just don't want hair in my face that day. You are a life saver.

Thank you Messy Bun, for the time you have saved me, for the effort you have saved me, and for the "nice hobo-esque" look you give me. I appreciate you every single day of my life, whether you are there or not. Thank you for being a great looking messy bun--I love the compliments, and I love the questions. How do you get your messy bun like that? Is your hair naturally curly or something? Whats your secret?

But we will keep that between us Messy Bun, our relationship is too pure and committed to let others in on it. I freakin' love you. I don't know what I would do without you sometimes. (If only French Braid could get on board with us too, but they tend to look a little on the wild side.) I never had to practice with you Messy Bun, it just sort of happened right when I least expected it, like we were made for each other.

For years now, we have been inseparable, and I want to further our future together. I swear to always think of you in the morning, and before I go to bed at night, when I am having a bad hair day, and when I'm having a great hair day. I will be there for you, ponytail in hand, and ready to have you in my life. Although our times come and go, (because sometimes I have to dress nice), I always wish it were you by my side instead of those other styles. You really are the best of them all.

So here is my Ode to you Messy Bun, stay messy, stay a bun. Stay how you are. I love you exactly as you are right now, and I know we will sometimes disagree, but we are forever. I promise you that. We will always be there for each other--in the good times and bad, in sickness and in health.

Messy Bun, I thank you.

Cover Image Credit: https://www.pinterest.com/am1142/hair/

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.


When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

SEE ALSO: They're Not Junkies, You're Just Uneducated

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

Cover Image Credit: http://crashingintolove.tumblr.com/post/62246881826/pieffysessanta-tumblr-com

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You Shouldn't Be Ashamed Of Your Black Hair, Don't Let Anyone Tell You Differently

Growing up in predominantly white schools changed the way I felt about myself, including embracing my hair, but other people's opinion shouldn't stop you from embracing the beauty of your culture.


Throughout my entire life, something I struggled with was my hair, even though I never really talked about it. I had never been very confident in it, and as I started to do it on my own, I struggled with keeping it healthy and eventually had to keep cutting it short to hide how damaged it was (still is).

I was constantly straightening it and got to a point where I was relaxing it every 3-4 weeks instead of the minimum point of 2-3 months. Every time it looked frizzy in the slightest, I'd text my mom and ask if she'd be able to lather on the chemicals that night. I thought what I was doing was okay and that my hair would somehow manage to become healthy again on its own, but it took me a really long time to admit to myself that I was damaging my hair because of my own insecurities.

This is the first time I'm being completely honest about all of these thoughts.

My first encounter with negative opinions about my hair was when I was in preschool, K4 to be exact, at a predominantly white school. I don't even remember much of it myself, but my mom would tell me how I would come home crying about kids calling me names such as "poodle" and would just constantly pick on me. All because of my hair. Sure, it may not seem that much now, but I was 4 years old. So, my mom decided to relax my hair, thinking that it'd make everything better.

But here comes the third grade. I was new at school and my only close friend was the only other black girl in my class. When my hair had gotten a bit wet during a relay race on field day, a kid in my class touched it and proceeded to ask why it felt like wheat grass.

That's when I stopped letting people touch my hair.

Constantly throughout middle school, I'd get told I had "white girl hair" and black girls would thrust their hand up my scalp to feel for weave tracks. This just encouraged me to do even more damage. But during the summer in-between grades, I would get my hair braided, and friends would text me asking "Why would you get a weave?" Just a few months ago, I had friends saying "I'm glad you never get a weave. I hope you never do that to your hair." This discouraged me from taking the precautions I should have been using to keep my hair protected, its fragile state not being made for being chemically straightened but to bounce freely as natural curls.

It had been almost 5 years since the last time I have braided my hair or done any protective styling in general because these things and the negative way my "friends" talked about me for it were sticking with me, making me think it was wrong to protect my hair. But now I plan on embracing the beauty of my hair and doing whatever I want, and whatever I think is necessary to help it while looking absolutely gorgeous while doing it, no matter what these "friends" think about it.

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