03 January 2018

Bring Back The Emotions: All of them

Cue Them All.

Nikari Carota

Today I woke up and decided to Target, like any other day. Main focus: to go in and get 3 items and leave. Us girls can get carried away and buy everything in Target except what they went in there to get. I was determined to get what I needed and leave. But, what I left with was more than I wanted. 

Breakups are never easy, unless sometimes they just are and all of mine have not been (I doubt that though). This particularly break up other hand was not. It was messy, it was confusing and it ended on bad terms. But like every girl who has ever had a broken heart you stand up, dust yourself off and go on with your life, even if its not what you had imagined. 

Target had just come out with Chip and Joanna Gaines' new line. Which of course I had to check out since Fixer Upper was my favorite show (spoiler alert: she's pregnant!!). I rounded the corner past the clearance Christmas candy and a familiar face caught my eye in the red Target apparel. Of course it was my ex-boyfriend, it was who I thought it was. I immediately put my head down and fast walked to the isle that held the Hearth & Hand collection. I took a breath, regathered myself and walked through the collection. A million thoughts running through my head. Did he see me? Does he know I saw him? Why does he work at Target? He moved back into town? He passed the collection and I could feel him looking at me so I quickly glanced but by that time he was laughing with coworkers and carrying on.

Ladies, its normal to feel something. Even if its something small. That person used to be apart of your life . At that time, that chapter of your life, with that person was what you wanted, It would surprinsingly not be normal if you didn't feel anything. We all have that one person where the emotions come running back. Remember, that doesn't mean you have feelings for them . It just means you remember what once was. Some memories floated in my mind, previous fights raced passed and the laughs made me smile slightly. Would I wish for us to be together again? Absolutely not. Where I am right now in my life is good and it's more than I could've ever asked for. I wish to change nothing but I do wish him all the best, even if he didn't give me the best. So, in that moment I decided to forgive. I forgave all the dishonesty, secrets & hurt. But most importantly, I forgave myself. I forgave myself for carrying that bitterness for so long in my heart. He was carrying on so I needed to forgive to carry on as well. He of course doesn't know I forgave him but I do and that's what matters. We don't always know the plan or course for our lives but we do know even if we can't admit it right away, there are far better things ahead then we leave behind.

So I leave you here with this, Philippians 3:13.