I shouldn't love you. Everything was off, especially the timing.
How can you meet someone so perfect for you, but at such a bad time? I know this perplexing feeling, and it's crushing.
Because all you want is them but you know what you are doing is wrong. In this case, it's because he is attached to someone else. I know, I know. People are going to call me a slut, home-wrecker, and so many other bad names.
The thing is...I have no defense and I tell him not to defend me either because they aren't wrong.
Not one word is wrong. It doesn't matter that I only had two boyfriends and never kissed a guy until I was 19. It doesn't matter that I never had negative intentions with him, but that I was lonely and we connected over shared interests.
Honestly, neither of us planned this. I know I didn't.
If anything, I resisted as much as I could. There are no excuses for what we did. It doesn't matter that I would console myself with "their relationship has been over for years" because it was never formally over. Until me.
I wish I never hurt you because I'm sure you are just as human as I am. I'm sure you deserve someone to love you the way he loves me and I love him. Don't you owe it to yourself to find someone who doesn't cheat on you?
I bet you laugh at the fact that he very well may cheat on me. I'm willing to take that risk, and I hope the leopard can change its spots. I believe in him. I believe in us. I know he wants to spend his life with me, no matter how long that may be.
I call myself a feminist but after what I've done to you, I question myself and my loyalty to women. I question if I'm a good person. Many people will say no but I like to think I still am.
I hurt you. He hurt you. You hurt him.
Everyone hurts everyone.
It's an endless cycle, one I don't believe will ever end. I learned to be wary and distrustful of people and I'm sorry for that because he made me begin to trust people again. That's why I love him. He had so much hope and love for people, despite being hurt time and time again.
I wanted that hope in my life, even if I took it from yours.
Here's the thing I learned though: I'm none of those things I mentioned earlier. I'm just a girl, who fell in love with your man and I'm so very sorry for hurting you, but I don't regret making him mine. I don't think you'll ever understand how sorry I am that I hurt you because I truly believe in supporting and respecting all women.
But I'm human who makes mistakes and falls in love. I'm a human, who hurts people and continues the cycle. I'm not a slut, even though you say I am. I'm not a home-wrecker, even though people will say so, even if your home was broken long before I came along.
I'm a girl who found a man that needed one push to leave a broken relationship. He needed a friend, someone to listen to him about his day. I'm not some succubus that seduced your man into her bed with her wild sex tricks. I have zero sex tricks. I'm as vanilla as they get.
I'm just a girl who fell in love with the right man at the wrong time, and you know what?
I'm not sorry for that.