I just turned thirty-two. Thirty. Two. No big deal. Really, my thirties have been, if not more exciting, definitely more enjoyable than my twenties.

My birthdays were so important in my twenties and now, I’m sort of like, meh. In the midst of three kids and still trudging through school and life, it honestly just feels like more work to plan a big birthday event, and then diet, find an outfit, stress about my house being immaculate, and having to style my hair.

Well thankfully, I’m in my thirties, so I really don’t even have to feel guilty for not wanting any of that right now (or is that reserved for your forties? Or do you revert back to caring about parties and dressing up in your forties?)

The husband, well-meaning friends, and family usually accost me with well-meaning demands for a celebration. So this year, I’m going to give everyone a list of what I for-real would like for my birthday. No pressure. It’s just everything my heart really desires right now.

1. New yoga pants. Because I love them dearly and where them most days. I have to be ready to roll out my mat at any opportunity, or chase down a runaway toddler through a sea of school children, or demonstrate a cartwheel. Yoga pants are great for all of these things. I can’t quit them,
2. Champagne, or some sort of sparkling white wine. That one to two glasses I’ll drink before passing out on the couch watching old episodes of Seinfeld will be the highlight of my evening.
3. Coffee. Bulk supply. Gift cards. A coffee date. Any coffee that I don’t have to grind, brew, or reheat in the microwave ten times will be absolute heaven.
4. A food truck meal. I can’t get enough of the fun food trucks roaming around town. I’ve yet to meet one I didn’t like, and my schedule doesn’t regularly intersect with them, so tracking one down for me and bring me the trendiest thing on the menu.
5. Yoga. Uninterrupted, in a studio, or outside. A real-life yoga instructor would be icing on the cake. Yoga makes me feel like a brand new person every time I can dedicate more than ten minutes to the mat. The more time I get, the less like a creaky old lady I feel.
6. A citrus-picker. You know those telescoping little basket things that help you pick a variety of citrus from those hard-to-reach top branches. I’ve had a few too many close calls with a wobbly ladder and no other adults in the vicinity. I just want to pick all the lemons and oranges from ridiculously tall trees. Whoever gets me this will be thanked with lemon bars and all the blood oranges their little heart desires.
7. A solo trip to Costco. If I could get this, I could probably eliminate 90% of the other “wants” on my list. Just let me roam the aisles for a couple of hours, circling the sample booths a few times, and I will be one happy girl.
8. A clean house. I know this is a tall order, but if I’m doing a real wish list, might as well dream big. I’m talking dust-free blinds, empty laundry baskets, and a bathtub that I’m not terrified to bathe in. The grout in the kitchen could use some scrubbing, if there’s any time leftover.
9. A personal trainer. Because, why not? These triceps are not going to define themselves anytime soon.
10. A trip to the...dentist. The spa is nice, the beach can be fun, and I’m sure Paris is incredibly romantic. But to be real, it’s been an embarrassingly long time since I’ve gone to the dentist and I never make time for myself to go. So before I end up needing a root canal, I’d like the dental works. It will probably cost as much as a spa day, but at least I’ll be really uncomfortable. If I’m lucky, I’ll fall asleep in the chair and no one will even notice if I start drooling.

There you have it. I hope it’s not too much to ask for, or too depressing for those of you who had higher hopes for the life of a thirty-something-year-old. But that’s my freaking dream list this year.

Life is good, and I’m a fairly happy lady. To be fair, I didn’t put “new gardening crocs” on the list, so that’s something, right?