“Why are you so quiet all the time?”
"Don't you ever get lonely being by yourself a lot?"
"You should go out more!"
"You need to get out of your comfort zone!"
These are all questions and commands which have, at one point or another, been directed towards me in an effort to make me sociable. These questions and statements have sometimes infuriated me because they all made me feel misunderstood, that I was being imposed what many believe are normal modes of behavior.
We live in a society that centers around extroversion, meaning that interacting with others is the gold standard for acceptable human behavior, but for someone like me, an introvert, that gets tiring all too quickly. I often hear people conflate introversion with shyness, antisociality, or a simple mistrust for others. Such is far from the truth.
The first thing everybody must know about introverts is that it is not at all the same as shyness or antisociality. Shyness usually denotes a fear of social interactions, and antisociality denotes an unwillingness to engage in them at all. Introverts, more often than not, are neither shy nor antisocial. What sets introverts apart from extroverts is an insatiable need for solitude. Introverts need to be by themselves, and extroverts might passionately ask why.
Introverts function differently. They are much more sensitive to external stimuli than extroverts, especially when the stimuli are uncontrolled. Introverts are constantly consuming and processing information from their surroundings, and that is why they have a tendency to tune out and dissociate whenever they reach an excess. This is also why introverts tend to speak less when in groups of people.
For an introvert, ideal levels of stimuli come from a small gathering of friends in a relaxed comfortable setting. When it gets to much for them, they may retire from the interaction altogether because it all becomes noise, meaningless chatter from which they can gain no insight. At that point, they will return home from whatever social engagement they were in and relax while reading a book or watching a movie, writing all in an effort to process the thoughts racing ever so rapidly through their mind.
The thing that might puzzle extroverts the most, and perhaps make them a little envious, is that introverts rarely feel lonely when by themselves. Introverts know they need to enjoy their own company before they can enjoy anyone else’s. Otherwise, it would be a mutually unpleasant experience the next time they put themselves in a social interaction. Introverts know that it often feels nice to be alone, but it sometimes doesn’t feel right. Only then will the introvert seek fulfillment in social interactions with friends, family, and perhaps even complete strangers.
Make no mistake. There are introverts who know how to interact with people in virtually any context. They are sociable, but only when they choose to be. If there is anything to learn from introverts, besides the fact that their needs are entirely different, it’s that we all must take time to recharge our social batteries.