I read an article this week about marrying Christians before they turn twenty. The movement suggested that Christian parents should arrange marriages for their children while they were in their youth, between ages 13 and 20. This would allow fathers to have control over their children and children to show obedience to their fathers. Additionally, youth would not be wasting away in lust filled desire, women would be able to have more children, and the world would be more biblical, the way God wanted it to be. In reading the Frequently Asked Questions on the website that promotes these ideas, I came across an interesting question. "What if my children aren't ready?" The website gave a simple answer: if your children aren't eunuchs and are physically developed, it's your job as a parent to get them ready.
I started thinking about myself, as a 19-year-old Christian. I am not a fundamentalist Christian, so the website isn't really applicable to my belief system, but it is still interesting. As a girl who is right on the edge of their age range for women to get married, what if I'm not ready for marriage?
Discarding the fact that I believe in finding the right person, making my own choices independently of my parents, and doing well in college before I focus on marriage: what if I'm not ready? Is it such a crazy idea that at 19 I might not be prepared for marriage? Marriage is a lifetime commitment. It's not something to be taken lightly or done on a whim.
I also reject the idea that marriage is a ticket for sex. I am a Christian who chooses abstinence, so I don't plan on having sex until I am married. That is not, however, the only or even the most important reason for marriage. The idea presented by this website that Christians should marry in their youth to avoid sinful desires is one I reject. I think that to avoid sinful desires as a choice of your faith is something to be proud of. The argument that resisting sexual temptation becomes impossible after reaching the age of twenty is offensive to me. The argument that individuals should be married at a young age so that they don't have to fight against their desires anymore doesn't mesh with my ideas of Christianity or marriage.
I am a 19-year-old, and I am not ready to be married. I will not be ready to marry anyone anytime soon. I want to focus on enjoying my college years. I want to live in a dorm room and have crazy college adventures. I want to build up my resume and work towards getting an amazing job in a field I will really enjoy. I want to travel and see the world. I want to be free.
I don't want a husband. Not right now, not for a while. I don't want to have to be accountable to somebody else. I don't want to face the challenges of discussing home ownership and starting a family. I don't want to live in an apartment, I want to live on campus with my roommate. I want to work on my career. I want to see the world and enjoy it. I don't want to give up my dreams for somebody else's.
I am selfish, and giving in to my own selfish desires of travel and adventure. I am not ready for marriage because I am not ready to be unselfish and to share or give up my dreams for someone else. I am not ready to be married because the idea of marriage still sounds like a tether to me, tying me down, restricting me from becoming what I want to be. I know that a healthy marriage does not look like this, but it is how I view the idea of myself being married at this point in my life. I am not ready to be married because I am 19-years old. I am young and immature and unready to enter into a commitment that will last a lifetime.
I am not ready to be married, and this isn't something I need to be ashamed of. I don't need to try to move through the stages of my life more quickly than God intended. Right now, I am a young college student. One day, I may become a wife. When that day comes, I hope I will be better prepared. Until that day, however, I will make the most of the opportunities afforded to me.
