“You’re pretty for a black girl.” “I don’t usually date black girls.”

Sorry these are NOT compliments.

I have heard these “compliments” many times and they have always made me feel uncomfortable. Telling someone they are pretty for an (insert race here) or speak well for an (insert race here) is not and never will be a compliment. These come from preconceived stereotypes of a race. They are not flattering or makes someone feel good about themselves. It does just the opposite, it leaves them in defense mode trying to find the right words to respond.

It actually says a lot about you, the person giving the “compliment”. It shows you have microaggressions towards a certain group. A microagression is "a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group (such as a racial minority)". By telling me I am pretty for a black girl it means you have never found a black woman attractive, which is fine but please do not try to use that as a compliment.

By saying I am pretty for a black girl you are insinuating that I am the exception. I do not want to be your exception. This also goes for white guys who date women of color. Telling a woman “I don’t usually date (insert race here) may seem like a compliment but its offensive. Again, I do not want to your exception.

Obviously at this point I have learned to ignore comments like these but there are still so many girls who hear this and feel inferior. It gives them the idea that they are only pretty in their own race and that black is not beautiful which it definitely is. My advice for any young black woman that has to deal with this is to shrug it off. Just remember you are not just pretty for a black girl, you are pretty period. Embrace your skin color, natural curly hair, and do not try to change yourself to accommodate someone else.

At the end of the day, I am not ranting to beat people down or make them feel bad about themselves. I simply want to inform. Why can’t I just be pretty? I know you mean well, but I will always feel uncomfortable when those words slide from your lips. So next time you would like to compliment a lady, tell her she is beautiful. Period.