At this point in our lives, no one knows where we will end up. Will we stick with our current major? Are we going to marry the current person we're dating? Will I be happy with my job someday? As much as we hate to acknowledge it, there's no telling what's going to happen. The big problem with that is how anxiety absolutely, undeniably, hates the unknown.
I openly admit that I struggle severely with anxiety. For as far back as I can remember, there has always been something certain or a particular event that I was overly anxious about, whether it was worrying about where I was going to go to college my freshman year of high school, or being petrified to ride the buses on campus incase I accidentally got on the wrong one. Even though now I'm sitting in my kitchen laughing how silly that those things caused me worry, they still clouded my mind at the time.
Even though I had always known deep down, admitting I had anxiety out loud was one of the hardest steps I've had to take. I wanted so bad to have the appearance that my life was totally together on the outside, when on the inside I was slowly breaking down bit by bit. And in all honesty, there are time's where I still slip back into a bad headspace. I would absolutely LOVE for someone to just sit me down, tell me how things are supposed to happen, and how I can get there. For me, having that plan would be the best thing to ever happen in my head.
I know that's not how life works though.
Life is crazy, messy, and complicated. It's full of uncertainties that have led me to more sleepless nights than I care to admit, my mind running through hundreds of different outcomes of the mental situations I was in when a majority of them were way too unrealistic to happen. It's gotten so messy, there have been time's where I have cried until there were no more tears left in me and I wasn't sure where to put my feet next. Though in that messiness, there can be something beautiful. Things such as new friend coming into your life, or an acceptance to a school you didn't really consider in the beginning of your academic journey. These become so beautiful and real, that at some point you'll forget you were ever worried about this situation in the first place. You forget because what actually ended up happening was so much different than what you thought, or even better than you could have ever dreamed it would be.
Personally, I am not letting anxiety take the joy found in those moments anymore. For too long I have lost precious time because I was stuck on things not only out of my control, but things so far from the present that there was no point in worrying about them. Even when I would have a personal victory, there still would be worry of what was coming next.
I now know that I can only change myself, and not the world that's spinning around me.
After years of being unhappy, I decided to change my mindset. I found it was important to tell myself, yes, I am in an uncertain part of my life right now. Yes, I have no idea where I will end up someday. Yes, there will times where I will still be anxious and frustrated with where I am at. However, I know that I am exactly where I need to be in order to grow into who I'm meant to become.
It's normal to be anxious, but as much of a normality it is, don't let it conquer who you are. Although there might be times where you feel like you're at rock bottom with your life, remember that there is so much still in front of you. Countless happy days, victories, and unexpected turn of events are still so bright on your horizon. There are so many way's to improve your mental health, ranging from eating healthier all the way to seeing a therapist. It's more than okay to research and try different methods to find the right one that benefits you the most. Don't let a stigma created by an unrealistic society stop you from taking care of the most important, significant, and unique part of you.