I know what you're thinking: a majority of you scrolled by this article, saw the headline and rolled your eyes. You went ahead, sighed, and clicked on my article only to find that the profile picture of the author is a white girl. A majority of you are sharing the same thought — that one, all-encompassing word that perfectly describes most articles with titles such as this. Privileged.
To your relief, this article isn't what you think it may be.
Allow me to explain.
A few weeks ago I was sitting at lunch enjoying my break when a very inebriated man walked in. He stumbled in, sat with his friend, and proceeded to stare at me saying, “Wow you’re attractive.” Thrown off by the encounter, I responded with an awkward, “Er, thank you” and proceeded to devour my bowl. In his drunken stupor he analyzed me, head to toe, and exclaimed, “However, you just look SO pampered” followed by a gagging sound. Ignoring the odd comment, I rolled my eyes and walked back to work.
I left, but my feeling of shame didn’t.
The audacity of him to judge my appearance when he was intoxicated by 12:30 annoyed me. But what annoyed me more was the feeling of guilt I felt. Granted, I was dressed nice to work — in my Forever 21 sale jeans, rocking a blouse I found and a sweater I dug up at a thrift store. He had no idea what he was talking about, the price of my clothing probably amounted to the price of my burrito bowl, add on a necklace and maybe it’d equate to my meal with a side of guac. It just struck though, how many times it embarrassed me so when someone made a snide comment about something nice I had.
I am so thankful for my growing up, there are thousands upon thousands out there struggling just to get clean water. People who feel ashamed because of the color of their skin, or who are judged because of their sexual orientation or religious background.
Trust me — I know I am very lucky and have it good to simply just be concerned with people judging my possessions.
All of this aside, when was the last time a guy, dressed up in nice attire and put together was ever labeled as pampered?
Never.
Pampered insinuates that there is someone pampering you. In my case, and many other women who have been labeled as this, people assume it is either by their father or by their significant other.
When men have nice things — a sports car, a beautifully crafted suit, or an expensive pair of shoes — they are seen as "having it together." Generally speaking, the public looks at him with respect for working so hard to buy these luxuries.
However, for women, this is not the case.
Let’s face it, pampered is a sexist word.
When I picture the tangible description of the word "pampered," I think of a poodle who’s been groomed to perfection, tied with pink satin ribbons and a rhinestone collar. Did the poodle ribbon itself up? Did the poodle strategically snip its fluffy fur like a bonsai tree? No. The poodle’s owner paid to pamper the dog.
This is what women are seen as when they are dressed in nice attire, or driving a nice car.
I mentioned before my work outfit, and so classily I compared it to my sloppy Chipotle bowl. However, I do have those things that I treated myself to. That handbag I worked so hard to save up for, that one dress that made me feel like a queen, a few pieces or things that I genuinely worked and saved very hard for. It was not given to me. I, and many other women, spend so much time working and studying hard. When we do splurge on that one thing we can’t get off of our minds, we’re made to feel ashamed.
People label us as spoiled, pampered, materialistic. Never would that be labeled on a man. Why?
I think I’ve figured it out. Gender roles have assigned women to be the caregivers. Stereotypically we are assumed to have little to no personal income, as our jobs are to tend to the kids or keep the house clean. When a majority of people see us out and about with a high-end handbag or nice outfit on, it is assumed that we are either...
A) spending our husband’s hard earned money
B) swiping dad’s credit card or, in extreme cases,
C) are being selfish by working instead of tending to the house.
So no. I’m not going to apologize for having nice things. I am a savvy shopper, I save my money. I work and study very hard. I give my time to good causes and donate as much as I can to organizations.
So if I want to splurge a few times a year on something nice, I’m not going to feel guilty or embarrassed when a comment is made about it.
There aren’t a lot of people, especially not a lot of women, who have the luxury of treating themselves from time to time. I am blessed to be able to “pamper” myself every now and then, so if the opportunity arises, I’m no longer going to be sorry about it.