Let me clarify. In high school, I had a totally different outlook on this topic. I had plenty of boyfriends and guys that even after our relationship ended we stayed good friends. These relationships I don't regret at all because they taught me and continue to teach me what I deserve in future partnerships. I don't know if it was easier because we were younger and the relationships weren't so serious, but it didn't hurt as much when we pulled away from the romance and into a friendship.
As an adult, I've realized that as we get older it becomes harder and harder to have friendships with those we're attracted to. You can't just decide to stop liking them because it hurts when you come to terms with the fact that they don't want anything more with you. It doesn't help, and I speak for most girls when I say this, that the pressure to be in a relationship is at an all-time high. This is especially true when you see all your friends happily cuffed. It can weigh on you and really dig at your confidence. I mean a girl can only hear "I'd rather be friends" so many times before starting to think that maybe the problem might be her and not the guys.
So I'm not talking about little crushes and passing flings. I'm talking about real budding relationships that fizzle out and leave you heartbroken. I'm talking about months of talking, hanging out and getting to know each other only for him to text you out of the blue that "he'd rather be friends". If that wasn't the biggest waste of my time (and his). I get that feelings change and as you get to know someone, you might realize that maybe they weren't the person for you. But don't lead me on into thinking that we're going to be something only to blindside me at the last minute. And if you're planning on doing that can you at least make up a good excuse and not some bullshit response one your bros gave you.
This article isn't just me being petty or angry about an attraction not turning into something more. It's realizing that a friendship would not only hurt me but drain me. I'll be honest, I don't want to hang out with you. I don't want to laugh at your jokes. I don't want to have to pretend that it doesn't hurt just because it's easier for you and everyone else. You don't get to talk to me every day like before or have me comfort you when you need it. Why should I give so much of myself to someone who's never going to return the feelings or support? Why do you feel so entitled to our friendship when we never really had one to start off with? I get that sometimes it works out and that people are better at being friends than lovers, but not in my case.
There was no foundation of a friendship before we started talking so why is there an expectation of it forming afterward? Plus, I see right through your idea of a "friendship". It wouldn't be a friendship at all, but rather, me being lead on for a few more months until you tell me that you're interested in some other girl. Instead of just ripping off the band-aid, the burn would be slow and scarring.
So yeah, I'm not friends with guys I like (or at least not anymore) because they honestly don't deserve my friendship. They don't deserve all the benefits of dating me without the label or commitment. Why do I have to sacrifice my feelings to make it easier for them? You see, I'm less hurt over the fact that you don't want a relationship with me, and more annoyed at the fact that you still want all the perks. I'm ready for a relationship and that's fine that you're not, but I'm not gonna put my love life on hold and draw out the pain of liking you by being friends with you.
I'm not going to invite you over or out with MY friends. You don't get to bug me when you need someone to talk to. You don't get to hide behind your fake label of friends, because you don't get to be my friend. I don't need another guy friend, I have plenty. Guy friends that build me up and show me how true friendships should work, and don't put me in awkward in-between places. So, thanks but no thanks, I don't need another guy friend.