Its Okay To Be Alone

Its Okay To Be Alone

...Because You're Really Not
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This has been one of the hardest things for me to learn and come to terms with. I was never the person who needed constant attention or gratification, at least I thought so. In reality I had gone from relationship to relationship at a young age seeking just those things in every person I invested in. Finally, being out of a long term relationship I truly felt what it meant to be "alone". But I really wasn't. And that is exactly what I struggled with discerning. The difference between being alone and being at peace with myself.

When you are reliant on others for happiness and fulfillment you essentially give up a piece of yourself for them. This is a dangerous lifestyle because you are living with a void that you are letting others fill instead of trying to love your whole self with all of your pieces, no matter how jagged or broken they be. In theory we as humans are a giant puzzle made of many pieces. You can think of the pieces as emotions, feelings, or things.

I spent years giving my happiness to others. So all that I taught myself was that I need other people in my life in order to be happy. That it was physically impossible for me to be happy on my own. I do not resent myself for that, I am grateful that I can now look back on that part of my life and recognize the emotional and physical progress I have made.

After my last relationship had ended I felt entirely empty. The person I had given my happiness to for 3 years was no longer there to spend every minute, hour, weekend, conversation, memory, and picture with. I truly felt the meaning of being alone. This sent me into a downward spiral now searching for anyone I could find to fill my void. To give me my "happy" back. This included people who were totally unhealthy for me and brought me further into a depression.

It wasn't until my anxiety and depression were at an all time high and I began going to therapy did I realize what I was doing wrong. By being emotionally and mentally dependant on other people for happiness and satisfaction, I was ruining any ounce of love I had for myself. I was searching for other people to love me in order to be happy but all I had to do was learn to love myself.

Loving yourself isn't about needing to be in the best shape of your life or traveling the world or buying designer bags and clothes to flaunt on social media. That is temporary happiness. Loving yourself is about spending every single day doing something that makes you happy and that makes you feel like you are worthy and deserving of love, because you are.

It does not mean you need to be surrounded by others every day and publish all of your "friends" all over your social media so others know your loved. Self love isn't a facade, it's a raw essential emotion. It is about being able to sit in a room alone with your thoughts feelings and soul and be entirely content. It is about being able to go without your phone for hours because you're too busy focused on yourself, and NO that is not being selfish. It is making you and your mental and emotional health a priority, and you should be.

In the end, I realized I am never truly alone. Not only do I have an incredible loving family and the most genuine supportive friends, I have ME. And if I don't say so myself, I think I can be pretty freakin awesome. Call me pompous, call me narsissistic, but baby I just call that self love.

So the next time you're standing in an empty room with tears rolling down your face feeling alone, look in the mirror and remember you were brought into this world with one pretty amazing person on your side, YOU.

Cover Image Credit: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/am-not-alone-proverbs

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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In Real Life, 'Plus Size' Means A Size 16 And Up, Not Just Women Who Are Size 8's With Big Breasts

The media needs to understand this, and give recognition to actual plus-size women.

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Recently, a British reality dating TV show called "Love Island" introduced that a plus-sized model would be in the season five lineup of contestants. This decision was made after the show was called out for not having enough diversity in its contestants. However, the internet was quick to point out that this "plus-size model" is not an accurate representation of the plus-size community.


@abidickson01 on twitter.com


Anna Vakili, plus-size model and "Love Island "Season 5 Contestant Yahoo UK News

It is so frustrating that the media picks and chooses women that are the "ideal" version of plus sized. In the fashion world, plus-size starts at size 8. EIGHT. In real life, plus-size women are women who are size 16 and up. Plunkett Research, a marketing research company, estimated in 2018 that 68% of women in America wear a size 16 to 18. This is a vast difference to what we are being told by the media. Just because a woman is curvy and has big breasts, does NOT mean that they are plus size. Marketing teams for television shows, magazines, and other forms of media need to realize that the industry's idea of plus size is not proportionate to reality.

I am all for inclusion, but I also recognize that in order for inclusion to actually happen, it needs to be accurate.

"Love Island" is not the only culprit of being unrealistic in woman's sizes, and I don't fully blame them for this choice. I think this is a perfect example of the unrealistic expectations that our society puts on women. When the media tells the world that expectations are vastly different from reality, it causes women to internalize that message and compare themselves to these unrealistic standards.

By bringing the truth to the public, it allows women to know that they should not compare themselves and feel bad about themselves. Everyone is beautiful. Picking and choosing the "ideal" woman or the "ideal" plus-size woman is completely deceitful. We as a society need to do better.

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