I should start off by saying that "friends with benefits" has never been for me. High school was the first time the term ever came up and when it was explained to me, I honestly thought it was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. I saw it as a sad excuse to get the person you wanted in a way that didn't make you put it all out on the line. It made you feel like you were playing it safe. But safe doesn't seem like the right word… How are you safe from heartache when the physical intimacy is there? I mean, obviously it’s there because what other benefits are you getting?

Right...

I used to think friends with benefits was invented for the commitment-phobes, for the weak ones who are too afraid to ask for more, for the ones who think they don't want more, for the no strings attached rule, for all of the perks and none of the repercussions. As I've gotten older, I’ve realized it's always a little more complicated than that. Everyone has their reasons.

But here’s how it usually goes down: nine times out of 10, one of you has real feelings and you’re just praying and hoping the other person will come around and want to make things official eventually. And you’re planning to wait it out, no matter how long they need. In a perfect world, when you’re the exception to the rule, it happens. If you’re currently in that situation now, I'm praying and hoping with you. I hope you get the ending you want.

If you’re the one with the feelings, I won’t say “keep holding on,” and I won’t say “let go,” because that’s not my place. I will say, you should do what makes you happy even if it's momentary. It could be a situation of killing the curiosity, making sure you never look back and wonder “what if…” No one wants to have a life with regrets. I've come to realize that sometimes a FWB situation is almost riskier, if not just as risky as going full-force, because you’re going all in and alone. You know what you want and just have to cross your fingers and hope for the best, because how dare you say you want more? That wasn't what was agreed on after all. That being said, I know how enticing the idea is, believe me.

But I could never bring myself to have a FWB relationship. Why? Too put it simply, I'm messy with my feelings. I would never even contemplate a FWB situation unless I had feelings for the other person. Which is obviously the worst situation in which to agree to have a FWB. I’m so aware of this. I would always want more and knowing myself, I’d reach a point where I’d feel comfortable enough to ask for more, and then it would all blow up in my face because that’s just my life.

I know I could never compartmentalize my feelings enough to not have any for a person I'm intimate with. It’s just not the way I’m programmed. So yes, I guess I’d be the weak, wishful one, hoping it works out in my favor.

I’d also be the one who lies to myself saying it's something I can handle just because — let us not forget — I have feelings and I would rather have my significant other this way, than not at all. But then I have to sit and think about how this a stringless agreement. Meaning, he can stray whenever he wants and to whoever and it's supposed to be okay. Yup, and that’s NOT okay, not with me at least. FWB would never work for someone like me because I’d ask to be the ONLY one and truth of the matter is, you don’ t have that right. After realizing this, come the thoughts of your person with someone else…

*shakes the image away*

Same. Jealousy starts to set in and all over hypothetical hookups that have yet to happen. If this is you, things happen as follows; then comes the fear of them actually meeting someone else and cutting things cold. And when you’re in deep and all in your feels, you’re going to be just as stunned and hurt as you would be if you’d entered a full on relationship and he suddenly just decided that “this” just wasn't for him.

The idea of FWB is fairly new and it’s just us young adults trying to claim control over our love lives and the way we choose to “love.” Sometimes it works and sometimes is doesn’t. Either way, I hope it goes in your favor. I’m on your side, whatever side that may be.