Death is a painful thing. When a loved one dies, a part of you dies with them. There are so many emotions and thoughts that happen so fast you barely have time to process them. Most times the death is declared then about three or so days later you are already having to bury them and say goodbye forever.
Nobody knows what to do or say in these moments and that's OK. There are no right words to say to someone when they lose someone important to them, but that doesn't mean you should be silent.
Recently, my family had to suddenly say goodbye to my forty-five-day old nephew, Jaxon Willis. It has been one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life so far. It's taken me a while to process that someone so innocent and pure could just be taken from this world only after a few short weeks of touching so many hearts.
During the tragic event, countless people, some that we didn't even know, reached out in so many ways expressing their condolences. To know that so many people were there for us all during that tragic time meant more than words can describe.
But what really hurt, were the people that said nothing and kept pretending as if nothing happened.
I understand death is a tough thing to deal with, no matter if you knew the person or not. It can be so difficult to find words in times like those because no words could possibly take the pain away. There are no right words to say but that doesn't mean that you should say nothing.
After his passing, I couldn't find any words to say to my sister, his mother. I had absolutely no idea what was going to come out of my mouth if I even attempted to form words to say to my sister and her husband.
Even though I knew there were no right words to say, I still tried to make sure that my sister, her husband, and everyone else around me that was hurting, knew that they were loved.
And I tried to make sure that they knew that Jaxon was loved so immensely.
I knew there was nothing I could say, but I still made sure I was present with them and made sure they knew they weren't alone. Then and still now. There are no right words to say to someone dealing with the losing of a loved one, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't still be there for them.
People may give countless and countless words of condolences and words of "if you need anything, please let us know," but what really stands out are the people that are already there. The people that know you are hurting, know that words can't help, but are still there with you in any way they can.
One of the worst things that hurts about losing someone you love is that you may be surrounded by people when it first happens, but when the dust settles and you have to process everything that has happened, no one is around and you feel alone with the pain.
There are no right words to say to someone dealing with a death. But that also doesn't mean you get the right to say whatever dumb thing that comes out of your mouth. Everyone deals with death differently, so the words "I know exactly what you are going through" or comparing the death of a son to the death of your dog, are not comforting in any kind of way.
There are no right words to say to someone who just lost someone they care about, but that doesn't you shouldn't still try.
You may not remember much right after you lose someone, but the one thing you do remember is the way people made you feel during your time of need. You remember the people that were there for you, to hold you, to listen to the memories, to wipe away your tears, and to cry with you.
There are no right words to say, but if you care about the person, just make sure that they know they are not alone and be there for them in any way you can.