The CIA Needs A Task Force Of No-Name Celebrities
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The CIA Needs A Task Force Of No-Name Celebrities

With music producer/DJ Moby already in their sights, its time for the CIA to put together a super-group of other "influential" artists for the well-being of the public.

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The CIA Needs A Task Force Of No-Name Celebrities
Wikimedia Commons

Last week, Pitchfork posted an article regarding music producer/DJ Moby's claims that the CIA contacted him to inform the public about the shady relationship between Trump and Russia. He states that they referred to Trump as "the Manchurian Candidate," serving as an agent for Russia. The DJ continues to say that he was given information by the CIA and was told, "Look, you have more of a social media following than any of us do, can you please post some of these things just in a way that...sort of put it out there."

With a whopping 1.35 million followers on Twitter, I don't understand why the CIA didn't contact him sooner. The electronica artist isn't just pumping out the jams, he's pumping out knowledge. I do, however, see a major flaw in the CIA's plan. Entrusting one irrelevant artist with all of this juicy intel is far from a full-proof plan to keep the general public informed. A task force of at least three irrelevant celebrities, on the other hand, would work wonders for U.S. intelligence officers.

My top pick for the second spot on this task force goes to hip-hop artist B.O.B. When he's not busy making mediocre pop-rap albums and trying to prove that the Earth is indeed flat, 'Ol Bobby Ray delivers wisdom to his 2.32 million Twitter followers with tweets like "Earth is not a place. It's a state of mind," and "My phone dry af sumbd tx me." It also doesn't hurt that he has "Magic" in him and knows his way around "Airplanes."

Seems like a pretty solid team so far, right? Well, no super task force would be complete without a living, breathing "Icon." A man who's such an icon that he has the word tattooed on his torso but really doesn't. The undeniable king of Twitter himself is non-other than rapper/actor Jaden "Syre" Smith. With 7.23 million Twitter followers, he's probably the most qualified on the task force to shed light on Trump's dealings with Russia and the Illuminati. If you're not sold on the idea that Syre can lead us to truth, then you are clearly unfamiliar with the genius this dude bestows upon us every day on the social media platform. Some shining examples of his seer canniness can be found in tweets like "If Newborn Babies Could Speak They Would Be The Most Intelligent Beings On Earth," and, "How Can Mirrors Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real?"

These three men are some of the best and brightest that the entertainment industry has to offer. For the safety and well-being of humanity, the CIA needs to put together this task force ASAP! With a super group this influential, the public will be in good hands.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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