I met my boyfriend three years ago, and looking at our relationship from then to now, I can easily say it isn't the same as it once was. I don't look all pretty everyday, and cuddle up on the couch with him to watch movies. We don't spoon every night before we fall asleep, and it's not a daily battle to keep our hands off of one another. Things are just not the same as they were at the start of our relationship, and sometimes, it's hard for me to admit that to myself.

I have never been in a relationship for this long before, and sometimes I sit back and ask myself-"Is this okay?"

Am I justified in not counting down the minutes until I can see him again?

Is it wrong that when he goes to poker nights once every month that I get freaking giddy with excitement because I can finally lay in the bath for an hour if I wanted to without him needing in to pee?

For a really long time, I felt guilty for this.

Then one day, we were sitting on the couch with the T.V. off, me with my sweats and T-shirt on (no bra, hair up, make-up off, and lips stained red from wine). We weren't sober in the slightest, but I just looked at him and thought-

I can not imagine my life without you. I truthfully don't mean this in a "habit" kind of way because my boyfriend is not my habit. A habit is doing something everyday, then when you stop feel discomfort in knowing it won't continue.

Imagining my boyfriend not in my life anymore didn't just cause me discomfort, it genuinely saddened me. Because I can not think of a day where I don't hear him breathing loudly to fall asleep. I do not want to see a night where he isn't running back and forth down our hall while our dogs chase him. And I want nothing to do with a world where he's not trying to sing in key even though he's well aware he's completely off. I just don't want it.

Don't confuse this with a habit because my habits never bring me this much joy. The man I love, he does that all on his own. I have to admit that I am not the best with showing him how much I love him daily. I go to bed knowing he is beside me, and that has turned into a weird sense of comfort on its own. Because that's what he does for me. He has the ability to calm me without even trying, and I find so much warmth from that.

In the beginning, we were the "Roses just because and surprise dinners on late nights" and not to say we don't put in the same amount of effort as we did before because we have our moments, but we are far past the stage of constantly trying to impress one another. We now know the way to one anothers' hearts and it's through simple things that one wouldn't necessarily perceive as "romantic". He knows when he's making me a sandwich that I like more of the bread and less of the meat, so he doubles my bread and only puts one piece of meat. I know that every morning before he leaves for work he likes an 8 ounce cup of coffee (strong) with only a splash of creamer (he doesn't leave work without this). He puts notes inside my lunch box just like my mom use to, and I wash his clothes with the laundry detergent that he loves. We have found these little things that make us more in love with one another everyday, and they're no where near the same as what started us.

But that's okay.

It's okay that things are not the same as they were in the beginning because to me, they're better. It may not be butterflies all the time, but it's a journey of learning something new about the person you've grown to love every single day. That's worth not feeling nervous before a date or speechless when he kisses me before going to work.

And that immediate spark you had when you kissed your boyfriend for the first time? It has transformed from that into this powerful sense of love that leaves me feeling so full, content, and blessed. Blessed to see another day with him by my side, ready to conquer absolutely anything and everything together.

So no, my boyfriend and I aren't the same as we were three years ago, but if you actually consider what love is, I'd say we're doing the best we ever have.