The other night, I found myself without internet. No wifi connection means no phone or computer, as you can already guess. I am currently a study abroad student, so I’ve been used to not having internet on a daily basis considering the fact I have kept my phone on airplane mode, only using public wifi. So, although I’ve become extremely comfortable with not being constantly connected, lacking wifi at one of the two places where I know I will have internet was discomforting.

This is a short story of a girl (me) who tried to become creative on a night where she was virtually disconnected from the world. Here is the conclusion I’ve come to thus far: I am an internet addict, and so is everyone around me. Even my 40 some year old Costa Rican host mother.

I began by creating a plan to film myself doing the different things I came up with that night. I thought this would be an extra way to make the time pass (the video turned out pretty bad so let’s scrap that). My first activity was looking out the window, which took about 10 minutes of my time. Now looking out a window with limited views for 10 whole minutes was harder than it sounds. Luckily, my street here in Costa Rica is more entertaining than my view of classic suburbia that I’ve got back home. Next on the list was a weak attempt at making a stop motion video of a little lego man. This took about 20-25 minutes of my time as there came a point where taking a picture every second was too tedious, although I will say this project turned out way better (if not sadly comical) compared to the video.

After this, my ideas became less and less creative. I doodled for a little (but as an artists this wasn’t nearly as satisfying as I hoped), calculated how much people owed me for a recent trip, tried to style my hair differently, and stared at the ceiling for a bit. The best part of my night was probably the short, brisk walk I took around my neighborhood. Although I spent most of it in a little supermarket/drugstore analyzing the different foods and items that I wasn’t familiar with, being outside gave me a greater sense of peace then being in my little bedroom.

My final activity is what I have chosen to discount as creativity all together. I got onto my phone and went through all the videos saved in my photos. Is this not the same as watching youtube videos, or even watching a Netflix show? Sure the videos were short and I knew what was going to happen, but I was trying to distract and entertain myself by looking at a screen, just like I would do using the internet.

Sure, watching these videos was nostalgic and many of them brought back great memories. However, I felt defeated looking back at the video of me watching videos (weird, right?) I couldn’t even stand to be off my phone for two hours, even without connection. This is why I’ve come to my conclusion.

My initial perception of what study abroad would be like, at least a small part of it, included a period of time where I would be off my phone and computer as much as possible. Besides schoolwork, I didn’t want to feel obligated to waste time eating sh*t on the endless web of the internet. However, I can’t help watching a show or scrolling through Facebook once I get home from school because I convince myself that I NEED A BREAK! My brain feels fried, so why not step out of reality for a bit and let it calm down?

I don’t think I’m helping myself. I need to go through the proper steps taken by any addict, and work on disconnecting. Many of my jobs require internet use and social media interaction, but why should this tie me down? I think the only way to cure myself, as I truly view this as an illness, is to treat my situation very seriously. I fear that continuing on this path will literally, make my brain melt.

There is so much to see outside. There is so much to experience in reality. I’m so tired of reaching for my phone anytime I’m bored, or checking for non-existent messages just because I don’t know what else to do in a situation. I feel like I’m walking around with ton of infants who don’t know how to interact, as we all blunder around looking for wifi and scrolling through posts to distract ourselves. Are our surroundings so bad that we have to ignore them?

Just like I want to practice yoga to learn the in’s and out’s of my body, practice eating healthy to build good habits for the future, and practice Spanish so I can regain my fluency, I need to practice living without the internet. If I am to succeed in becoming the person I’ve dreamt up for myself, remaining dependent on virtual connections could completely ruin that.

I want to challenge my mind, not be glued to a screen of flashing colors and words. I want more nights without wifi. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll become a stop motion pro.