Newsflash, Ladies: You Don't Own Your Boyfriend

Newsflash, Ladies: You Don't Own Your Boyfriend

It's love. Not a dictatorship.


Yes, he is your boyfriend. Congratulations on that. Him being your boyfriend does not suddenly make you in a positive of his boss, mother, or authoritative figure. I know many girls who never thought they would become that kind of girlfriend, the kind who tries to steal away their man as though he is an object that they possess. I hate the idea of a man owning a woman or hiding her away. I find it repulsive, however, I think that the epidemic of girls stowing away their boyfriends is one that flies completely under the radar.

"He's got a girlfriend." This is a phrase I have been sent over text message time and time again. Dating someone does not mean cutting off social contact from every other female you know.

That's not how it works. That's not love.

That's not a healthy relationship of consent and trust. It is a dictatorship. You are plagued with insecurity and a lack of trust and in response, you try to swipe your man away from anyone he comes in contact with so hold you many hold him like a prize. However, the unfortunate thing about relationships is that they end. They end often.

Finding a soul mate is real. It is something that I believe in wholeheartedly, however, with putting my trust in this test of fate I have to also acknowledge the odds. Finding the one you will spend the rest of your life with can often time be a one in a million shot. When and if this relationship ends, you will see the people you have cut off and the meaningful friendships you have ended all for a relationship that you will not reap the rewards of.

My favorite tweet I've ever seen in my three years of Twitter was one by a young woman who is perhaps the most confident and secure person I've ever had the pleasure of following.

"Ladies," she says,

"Please talk to my boyfriend. Do it. Make jokes, ask questions, and have conversations with him. Because at the end of the day I know what we have and him having friendships is not something that makes me feel threatened. I trust him and really, I trust you too. If you want to make plans to hang out with him, do so. He's a lot of fun to hang out with and in no way do I blame you for spending time with him.
"If you can't trust your boyfriend to talk to other girls without it progressing too far, then we should not be your boyfriend. Relationships are about trust and if you and your significant other do not pertain the emotional maturity to realize that, then neither of you need to be in one."

I fell quiet while reading that. It was perhaps the most enlightening thing I've read in a while. If your insecurity runs so deep that you want to have the person you are dating restricted in his social contact, your problems exceed far greater than your love life issues. Have faith. Have truth. Have security in who you are as well as who he is.

If you are unable to do those things, relationships are not for you.

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