You know, I never thought that there would be a time that you wouldn't be here. Realistically, I know everyone dies, it's the cycle of life. But you... It never really set in that the ones I love will leave too. We always see it happen to other people, our heart hurts for them, but we never really think that's going to happen to us. But then it does and we realize that our hearts never even felt a fraction of the pain we felt at that instant. It's a crippling pain. The kind that makes your heart shatter, you chest tighten, and your whole world crumble. But it will pass. It will pass and the sobs that bang to get out of my chest will turn into bubbles of laughter. My lips will hold smiles instead of a coat of salty tears. No, the pain will never go away altogether, but it will get better, of this I am sure. If it didn't love you so much, it wouldn't hurt so bad. But I do, so I welcome to pain, as it is only a reminder of how much I love you.
But, my dearest guardian angel, don't you worry about me. I will be okay. Although my heart breaks at the thought of never seeing you again, never being engulfed in you squeezed-nearly-to-death hugs. I can't imagine my wedding without you or never seeing you sign I love you to me again. I hurt when I think about you never getting to meet my future children, and them never getting to love you they way I do. But I know you'll always be there, every step of the way. You'll be in the rain that kisses my cheeks and the wind that soothes my soul. An eagle, soaring high above me, my guardian angel.
I miss you already from the very depths of my heart. I'll never stop I'm sure. I'll think about you every day. I'll think about all the times you picked me up, the times you pushed me because you knew I could take it. I'll remember all the times you filled my heart with joy and laughter. That is how I will remember you. As much as I would give anything to spend just one more minute with you, I'll forever be thankful for all that you've given me in our time together. You helped raise your daughters who became the strongest, most loving, and fiercest mothers and aunts. You instilled your dedication and downright smart a$$ personality into each of us. For that, along with many other things, I thank you.
This was not goodbye, it was see you later. So until then, I will carry you in my heart and in every signed I love you.
Love ya always,
Your little brat