The holidays are upon us, and with them comes the reunions. Be it with old friends from highschool, family, or extended family. These reunions are usually a joyous occasion, and are held with celebration. However, with them comes a few pesky questions that you hear OVER AND OVER. So I've created a quick cheat sheet for answers you can give that will keep the holidays interesting without telling your grandmother to go elf herself.

So are you seeing anybody?

Well there is one guy/girl from my court mandated anger management group.

I've decided to take the next year to really find myself.

Monogamy isn't realistic.

I got Super Liked on Tinder the other day and so far they haven't asked for nudes so that's promising.

The last person I was seeing is still technically considered "missing".

*start sobbing hysterically* I'm sorry I need to be alone right now.

Does it count if they don't know we're dating?

I'm really focused on school/work/my sport right now I don't have time to date.

Honestly, I can't trick anyone into liking me back....

What happened to that nice boy/girl you had before?

Last time I saw them they were being taken away in handcuffs.

They ran away and joined a convent/monastery.

I caught them trying to sacrifice the cat so I had to end it.

I caught them in bed with our landlord.

*Start sobbing uncontrollably* I'm sorry I need to be alone right now.

They were a dirtbag and you should be thanking me for not bringing them around anymore.

We just didn't work out.

So how were your grades this semester?

The important thing is we have our health.

What are grades really in the grand scheme of things?

They don't ask for your GPA in job interviews.

C's get degrees.

I'm passing, that's all that matters.

The kid I paid to take my classes did really well.

Well I lost motivation after week 2...

I'm going to take a gap year, and really find my passion.

*Start sobbing* I'm sorry I need to excuse myself.

There was a computer issue, grades aren't in yet.

My professor put in the wrong grade so I'm waiting on a grade change.

I failed, not like on the cusp of a D but like full blown tanking.

It's not about the grades you make it's about the hands you shake.

My grades don't matter as long as my future spouse's are good!

Have you thought about what you're going to do next?

I'm going to join the Peace Corps.

I'm going to join (insert armed service here).

I have a few jobs lined up.

I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life.

I can barely dress myself what do you mean what am I going to do next?

I'm moving home until I find my dream job at my dream salary.

I'm going to live with my parents until they kick me out.

I think I'm going to go back to school.

*Start Sobbing* This is so embarrassing I need a minute.

Well strippers make a lot of tax free money.

I'm looking for a sugar daddy/momma right now.

I'm hoping to trick a professional athlete into falling in love with me.

I'm striving to become a drunk history narrator.

The holidays are the best time of the year because you are surrounded with those you love. And while I'm so blessed to be able to see all of my family, I'm two more monotonous conversations away from printing out a pamphlet with answers to all of their frequently asked questions.