Do you ever have those nights that you're just laying in bed and begin to think?

I'm sure you do - I have them quite often but I tend to think a lot - sometimes too much - which leads to me overthinking probably the simplest things... Like what type of sauce I want with my chicken tenders. Or, if i want all the sauces like a mini sauce buffet, maybe I'm bad at making decisions. I tend to have trouble deciding, too but, we're only talking dipping sauces for chicken tenders at the moment.

I have had trouble with much bigger things before - not that chicken tenders aren't a big deal, they definitely could be a topic to discuss because I swear I eat so many I may turn into a chicken tender one day. Anyway, making a decision is hard for everyone, I imagine. We never really know what we want and if you do, good for you!

I'm having one of those nights... I got out of work early, came home, ate dinner, and then went to bed because I was very tired. I'm up now and have more energy than I did all day, so I have done some laundry so I could see my floor once again and cleaned up my room a little bit. But, I feel myself feeling weird. I don't know if anyone else can relate, but it's like I'm not me at the moment or something. It's hard to explain, but I have butterflies in my stomach and just begin to think about everything happening in my life at the moment... The people, school, work, what I have to do tomorrow, and this whole week - heck what month are we even in? I'm thinking about how I'm happy with my life at the moment, I'm in my 2nd year of school, and I'm hopefully going places. I have a job that I like (sometimes) but you can't like it all the time - that would be just boring.

I am with my family and will appreciate it for as long as I can. When I think about family, I think about my mom first because she is probably the most important person in the world to me. That may sound a little cheesy, but it's honestly true. My brother and I would not be where we are today without her. I believe he would agree with me that we will forever be grateful for her, as every kid should be for their parents because, in the end, we can never repay them for all that they have done for us and the best part is that they don't expect us too. Both my mom and my brother mean the world to me, along with my aunt and my cousins, all of our pets, and all of my best friends. That is all I consider family!

I will tell you something - I tend to not talk about much or try and think about it at all. That is the missing piece called my father - although I will no longer ever refer to him as that because he doesn't deserve that title like many other fathers who would die for their children. Nope, not mine, and I have no idea why. I guess I could say that this still hurts me every single day, but I am always pushing it to the side because I will never let it overcome me. Honestly, when I don't think or talk about him, I'm better off. He is just one cruel individual that has done so many unnecessary things to his family - it's crazy. I will never understand his ways, and how he could ever treat the woman he was married to for 22 years the way he did and continues to, along with his own blood.

I think it's absolutely despicable when parents abandon their children - like, we have to live with your blood going through our veins so if you're not gonna stick around, think of that before you go and make us... I'm not gonna say I miss him because I can't really miss what was never there. Although, because I don't think it was ever there, I think that's why sometimes I feel this kind of emptiness. I hate that I'm one of those girls that was never daddy's little girl. I wish I was, but I'm not. But because of everything I am who I am today, I think I'm pretty great sometimes. We all have our own flaws, but I try to set goals for myself and have to drive to never give up on them and believe one day, I will be on the top.

I don't necessarily think I can change the world but, I can maybe do something. I will try and continue being like that because I will not let him ever win and I will show him what he is missing and how he will never be allowed to call me his daughter again. Because this is all on him, yes, I forgive him for everything he has done and I have forgotten about all of it because none of it is worth all the tears I have shed.

That may be harsh of me to say, but when someone who was once apart of your family, you sort of grew up with them (at least when they were around). They have helped with some things, came to some of the things I was apart of (not many), but I mean he was my father. No longer, though, I think he will regret everything because I am proud of myself and what I have accomplished thus far - without any of his help. I don't need him; I am better off and I will eventually figure everything out - I have faith that I will.

Everything happens for a reason and honestly, God has a plan for us all. I'm not sure what he is planning for my family and me yet, it has been a bumpy road so far. If it wasn't, we wouldn't be as strong as we are now, and as close. It has bettered us and connected us more than ever. I can't wait to see what He has in store for us next. I trust Him through all I can do, because in the end, when you're all alone, who else do you have to talk to. Even if you're not religious, I'm not super religious but I talk to Him often.

Through it all, though, I am trying to stay as positive as I can. I keep getting up every day, and with all the great people in my life, it's hard not to. In the end,I know I got this, and I know you do too!