I’m throwing pebbles at the river, but the rocks they aren’t skippin’.

I keep missin’ all the chances but I take ‘em, I won’t break ‘em, but they break me as they make me, realize…

I’m in love with my emotion, anger, passion— never logic, never reason. But these stones are burning holes, in my eyes.

Skipping stones won’t break my bones, but it hurts to watch them sink.

And I throw and I aim, and I try it again, but it’s time to quit I think.

I’ve been putting myself out here, on the ledge of the dock, on the edge of my thoughts, but it’s getting lonely— I can’t take it. So I look at the sky, and I look at the river, and I look in my heart... rocks pose no danger—if I don’t let their sinking stick… take my fill. I’m stronger than the pebbles; if they can’t skip, then I will.

And there’s no one standing behind me, and there’s no one willing to guide me. And you’re not taking my hand here, oh skipping rocks with the girl over there,… being happy. I have to swallow the tears that I have. I’ll skip away, but the water reminds me, that I can’t seem to have that.

I’m always searching for a love, to match what I give with my heart. And the world knows, the river flows, but the world is on your side. Giving you the rocks that glide. So I’ll skip on my own…

It hurts, to be let down. It hurts even more when you get let down again and again. Relationships between people never seem to last too long, as someone always manages to disappoint the other, but I can't help but feel I am always the one on the receiving end.

I always put myself out there. I have no problem coming up to a guy and asking for his number, or texting him first after we exchange numbers. I have asked guys out on numerous dates and I have been rejected numerous times.

It hurts, but you move on.

I just can't help but feel so negative sometimes— because I care so much and fully invest myself in every relationship I form with a guy, I always set myself up for getting hurt. My mother always told me, "If the guy likes you, he'll make it happen. You shouldn't have to do all the work." I tried to adhere to her advice but doing all the work has always come naturally to me.

I'll never forget how I spent one year of high school chasing this one guy who I thought was this super sweet, shy kid who wouldn't ask me out or make any moves because he was... Just. That. Shy.

In reality, he apparently had no problem going out with other girls, posting pictures with another girl instead of the ones he had with me, or even following up on plans we did make. I even recall tearing up in the movie theatre next him as I was hoping that night something would happen between us. He sat with his arms crossed the whole time. My makeup and my outfit I spent two hours deciding on felt like a hoax for those three hours, and I came home, wondering what was wrong with me.

Other guys I have met only want one thing, and I think we all know what that is. I would have to walk back to my dorm, my arms crossed, feeling ashamed to think any of those guys wanted me for both that "thing" AND my personality. I would wonder what was wrong with me in those situations, too.

Stories like that follow me constantly, and I ask myself why I continue throwing my rod in the water when the fish never bite back. I ask myself why I can't become more like the stereotypical guy who can just "wham bam" and be done with it. I don't know why I invest myself in failing stocks. I don't know why I keep throwing that stone, hoping it'll skip for me and make me happy.

But then...I think about how I have learned so much by putting myself out on those fishing docks, on ledges, on uncomfortable bridges. And I realize that I'm so much happier knowing I did all that I could—put in my 100%. Because I learn so much about how strong I am. There is nothing wrong with me—I'm outgoing, brave, warm, and loving, and that doesn't change...no matter who i am with.

So if you ever find yourself wondering why you keep getting hurt because you continue to ask guys out, or continue to believe in the future of a relationship...don't ever think it's your fault. You just haven't met your person yet.

And the one thing you do and always will take away is experience and memory—as well as the faith you have to keep stepping out on that dock, breathing in the fresh water, skipping rocks for the joy of it. For the joy of yourself.