When reading this, you will realize that I am a big believer in our Lord, our God, Jesus Christ. I would like to start off with a prayer for all of you college girls, plus who ever else is going to hear my testimony. "Dear God, please give not only me but all of these women strength to endure whatever they may be going through and to find the blessings and lessons within the situation. Please guide our thoughts, words, and actions, so that we walk your path of peace and love. Give us the power to take the next step. Hold our hands in the time of weakness and teach our hearts to fly. Hold us tight in your embrace, so that we can be stronger than the challenges in our lives. Amen." 

ySharing your testimony is hard and scary; many of us girls never want to do it, in the fear of what others will think of us. I am a 20 year old, Junior in college.  College is hard, but over all a blessing in disguise. When I was in middle school and high school I was never a "social butterfly." I had always kept to myself until about my Senior year of high school. That is when I branded out more and wanted to hang out with my friends, have sleepovers, go on adventures... etc, you know all of that stuff that any normal high school girl wants to do. I come from a very traditional Indian family. I always love to tell people that a really cool fact about myself is that I am a first generation college student. My parents never had the opportunity to go, so I know they are proud of me and my brother for being here and working hard for our career. My brother and I were  taught by our parents that we should always be kind-hearted, giving, caring, forgiving, selfless, never judge, and to do nothing but work hard. 

My entire family comes from a Hindu background, however my father had allowed me to go out and learn new things and find who I was as a person, and what I believed in. I started attending church with one of my best friend's in third grade. She was in middle and high school with me, and now thankfully we attend the same college. In high school, I got saved and baptized and dedicated my life to my savior. I could not thank her enough  for always holding my hand in the rough times, and reminding me who I am, where I come from, how strong I am, and how much I mean to not only her, but so many others, and to this day she has not let go of my hand. 

I attend a D3 college that is super small compared to many other college/universities.  When I had first come to college, I was loosing my mind. I was so scared of the new place, new people, and new rules. I loved school, because it was so easy going, but we all now know that college is NOTHING like high school. I was aware that many new opportunities were in front of my eyes, and I was beyond excited to start the journey, but still scared. Considering the fact that I came from such a respected and traditional family, boys were obviously the least of my worries when I came to college. We all know college is known to be the place where 75% of us find our perspective significant other. The anticipation of whether you will find someone here or not is the crazy and not so fun part. 

I did meet someone here my freshman year. It was a different feeling, I had never been with anyone before. I had never really received those sweet texts or calls from anyone, so it was indeed different, but also everything I wanted. I had always focused so hard on school, and listened to my parents about my career, I never really had time to think about boys. I spent my freshman, and sophomore year trying to fix all of the wrong things in my relationship. He was a good friend, but not so great of a boyfriend. You could use the word toxic to describe that relationship, then again if I had stopped it after the first time of things going wrong, I would not have wasted so much time on him. I had so many friends telling me to get out while I could, I could do so much better, I deserved more, know my self worth, he is not worth it, he won't fight for you, and many other things. They were right. He left me for someone else, after making promises to fix things, but I am so forgiving, and kind-hearted like I have been taught to be, so to this day I hope he will be happy no matter where he ends up in life. In this relationship, God did not hold a big place; and if he did it was on different terms for the both of us, never together. 

After a break up, the hardest thing to do is obviously move on. Starting over with a new person is quite exhausting. You have to make new efforts, you have to adjust because there will be things that may not be the same as your last relationship. I did not want to move on, but I did. After two years of mentally and physically being so tired, and just wanting someone to treat me right, and give me the things I deserved, I opened up and talked to someone new this summer. Describing him as a person is hard, because he was a good guy, meant well, but was confused. At this age, we have to be careful when committing to someone else because there are still a lot of things that we do not even know about ourselves yet. We can seriously hurt someone so much in this process of finding ourselves. This guy was 2 years older than me, and was one of the most genuine guys I had ever met in my life. Before I had been in my last relationship, I used to see this guy all over campus and I would just always tell my friends how cute he was. Obviously I never said anything because he was intimidating, I would hear a lot of girls speak of him. This summer I finally talked to him, however we had a secret relationship for some reasons. As time passed, I started feeling weird, I didn't want to be a secret anymore. Girls, being a secret is the second worst feeling ever; the first is being used/taken advantage of.  We started having issues; he lied to me, did did things behind my back, and would hide me. I started feeling low about myself, as if I was never good enough. I promised myself after my last relationship that I would always stand my ground, and I would never give a second chance to a guy who lies and disrespects me. Of course being a college girl, keeping this promise is hard. I did give him not only a second chance, I gave him more than he deserved. I have also never loved anyone more than this guy. I had so much love and forgiveness in my heart for him. I always saw the good in him, I would pray for him on his worst days. I wanted to be there for him, and fix the broken part of him. I felt as if I could be the girl for him that would change him and his ways. This lead me to believe all of the lies, and sweet things that were said to me. All of my friends tried stopping me, I never listened. I lied to them, I disrespected them when all they were doing is trying to protect my heart. They would bring home proof to me of reasons not to be with him, and I would still believe him. He changed me, for the worst. He made me a liar, he made me forget who I was, and that before he came into my life I was just fine. I didn't need him, I wanted him. 

Girls, remember this forever; I understand completely wanting someone, but you do NOT need anyone. I lost faith, I gave up. I started thinking nothing was ever going to work out for me. I would have these awful thoughts of what it would be like if I was just gone forever. I would act happy around my friends and family, but when I was alone, I felt like I was nothing, like I meant absolutely nothing to anyone. He left me, for someone else. Did not give me any reasons, did not tell me what I did wrong, nothing. You must be thinking "wow, again?" Yes, again. You know that at this point, I am completely broken. I thought this was it for me, I mean he started meaning the world to me. Within a blink of an eye, he chose someone else, and did not think twice about me and my heart; when I had done nothing but put him above all in my life. I had to see them together, they would walk right by me together and I would feel so little. It felt like no one understood what I was going through. 

This is what led me to write this today. Ladies, you are not alone. There are so many girls going through this, maybe not the same exact thing but similar. There are things that I want for myself, it's time I work for them. I want to be able to take the guy that is in my life to church with me. I want him to hold my hand as we worship our God together. I want him to comfort me in my hard times. When I am sitting down praying for him, I want to be confident in the fact that he is sitting down wherever he is praying for me as well. I want to be with someone that not only prays for me, but with me.  The most amazing feeling is knowing that there is a greater God that loves you, and protects you. For the past 6 months, I have sat in front of my jesus calling devotional and prayed that things would just work out. Why is it that that relationship is the only thing I was praying for? Why not for myself? My friends? My family? School? Work? That is how much that relationship was taking control of my life, and my actions. However, someone that makes you lose your faith, and think twice about how amazing of a person you are, is not the person for you. Every relationship, and even friendship can not go further if the foundation of the relationship started off with no trust. Trust is everything. Where there is no trust, there is nothing; and I have unfortunately learned that the hard way. I feel embarrassed, humiliated, and scared to ever let anyone into my life again. 

I am hurting but healing. Number one thing that I am realizing about myself is my self worth. I know I am good, I know that I can offer the world to everyone in my life, but only the people that actually care and love me will take that and cherish it, others will use it. Girls, self worth is something so important to have. It helps you know what you want in your life, and how to stand up for it. Have faith in God, but also have great faith in yourself. YOU CAN DO THIS. Fight for yourself and what you deserve. In the process of fighting for yourself, do not lose yourself. Do not be mean, be kind-hearted. Be so selfless, and caring. Know that everyone has their own story, and not everyone can share, therefore you are no one to judge. 

Your friends-- this is about to be the most emotional section of my testimony. I promised not to take any names, so I hope that all of my friends that are reading this know exactly who I am talking about.  You all mean the world to me. When we are younger we always joke around talking about how we become friends with someone and decide that we are going to take them with us forever no matter where we are. What has been hard for me is that, God has taken people out of my life, but put so many people in my life for so many reasons that I could not even explain. There will be times where you will never understand why your friends are being the way they are towards your decisions, or where you will all fight and argue for the most unnecessary things. Everything happens for a reason. I just want to take this time to truly say thank you to you all. I have been so blessed, and no one will ever understand how lucky I am. I know that Gods love for me is so unfailing, however he still put these beautiful angels in my life to hold my hand through all of the good and bad times; to help me never forget my worth, and hold my hand no matter what. Some of you have held my hand since the third grade, some of you have been in my life for 3 years, 2 years, or even just a year. You all fight for me and every single one of you have something so special, which keeps you all so close to my heart. I just want to say, never change. You are all so beautiful, and I pray that each and every one of you gets the world, just like you all deserve. It is an honor to just even know you all, and I hope you all keep impacting others lives, the way you have done to me. I will love you all forever, through thick and thin. Appreciate the ones that look out for you and try to protect your heart, the most. 

He has a plan for you. He see's you struggling, he is there for you. He is so good. Gods timing is everything. Ladies as my testimony comes to an end I just want to let you all know how beautiful you are. You are so beautifully and fearfully made. You all have the heart of gold, and the man that will get to hold it will be luckiest one alive. You are appreciated, for all that you do. I can say that one thing I never did in my relationships, is look out for myself and my heart. Go on adventures, make a few mistakes; not all of us are perfect, we are all sinners. Find yourself, from this day on, I am promising myself that I will live my life for my God. He will lead me in the right direction for everything, and I will have faith in that. I want to do things to make my parents proud because I know how hard they have worked to send me to college, and give me the things that they never had the opportunity to have. What is meant to be will workout, but it is time to work hard for the things that make me happy, and you should seriously all do the same. Never feel like you are not enough, please know that you are beyond enough. 

Here are a few of my favorite quotes and verses that keep me going at all times: 

1. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. -Psalm 139:14 

2. You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. -Song of Songs 4:7

3. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. -Ecclesiastes 3:11 

4. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. -Proverbs 31:30 

5. "Life was meant for good friends and great adventures; throw kindness around like confetti and put God above all else" 

This was my jesus calling on November 30; Problems are a part of life. They are inescapable, woven into the very fabric of this fallen world. You tend to go into problem solving mode all too readily, acting as if you have the capacity to fix everything. This is a habitual response, so automatic that is bypasses your conscious thinking. Not only does this habit frsutrate you, it also distances you from Me. 

Do not let fixing things be your top priority. You are ever so limited in your capacity to correct all that is wrong in the world around you. Don't weigh yourself down with responsibilities that are not your own. Instead, make your relationship with Me your primary concern. Talk with Me about whatever is on your mind, seeking My perspective on the situation. Rather than trying to fix everything that comes to your attention, ask Me to show you what is truly important. Remember that you are en route to heaven, and let your problems fade in the light of eternity. 

Pslam 32:8; Luke 10:41-42; Philippians 3:20-21

This speaks volumes, and I hope this truly helps you all even just a little bit. Thank you for letting me share this part of me with you all. Keep going ladies, life is too short live it to the fullest. 

Keep praying.