They always said I was never good enough being myself, they wanted some one that was not there. They wanted a different kid, one that was not me. I do the best I can, constantly trying, fighting to be the best and fighting to the death. The more that they push me, makes me not want to give a damn anymore. You are the one that raised me, you should have changed me. I am the "rebel," the "troubled one," the one that is "going nowhere." At least that is what they thought.

They put it in my brain that my differences were never any good. My differences would hold me from my dreams and everything I aspired to be. Because of them the only thing I want to do is prove them wrong, I want to do good for myself. I want to do better than the rest. I thrive in hope that I am not the one that gets left behind. They joke about me never leaving home and being the one kid that never reaches success. Coming from my parents it hurts me the most, that is why I learned to never trust a soul.

The only person that has my back is me, and the hatred built up inside is killing me. They say I need to grow up, but I am constantly growing. I will do anything to leave; the military forgets my grades so maybe that is where I should stay. My grades are pretty good, the best I have ever had. But still I am never good enough. They tell me to own up, but they never give me space to grow up and make my own mistakes.

I have aspirations, I have dreams, but in the end you crush them with every scream. Every glance, every breath is so judgmental. I worry about so much, I feel ashamed of who I am in my parents' eyes, but who I am is not so bad on the inside. Why do I stay in their world so full of hatred?

Coming from my parents it is the hardest thing to just shake. I sit in the numbness that is pain, I cry and I write my soul away. They will never notice, or open up their eyes to see the pain that is buried so deep inside. Night after night I will cry, but they will never understand that they were always the reason why. I may never be good enough for you, but I will always be good enough for myself.