After over three years, I've finally realized that this guy will never get out of my life. No matter how hard I try, he always manages to come back into my life as if nothing ever happened. And what's worse is that each time I allow myself to fall back into his trap. Every time I look into his eyes, I automatically get drawn back into his trap. The problem is that there’s no solution.

The earliest memory I have of him was seeing him at my middle school’s pep rally. I remember my eyes were drawn towards him. During that time, it was as if the pep rally wasn’t even occurring, the loud screams and chants drowned out. My focus was entirely on this boy. Although I was unaware back then, I realize now that I did have a crush on him. However, there were indescribable situations which prevented me from realizing this. But there were also clear and obvious signs that my interest in him peaked in middle school.

In fact, there was a time when I remember doing an errand for my teacher on the last day of school. My teacher asked me to take a note to another teacher across the hall. I was feeling extremely enthusiastic for middle school to end, so I was skipping into the other classroom with one hand holding the note and the other hand waving to my friend who was in the room. I took a step inside and saw that he was there as well. My crush. Out of all the classes in the school, he happened to be in that classroom, talking with the teacher. The reason as to why I'm still shocked to this day is because my crush was still in his freshmen year of high school and happened to be visiting the teacher I needed to give a note to. I remember how my eyes widened when I saw him sitting right there out of the blue. This was a year after I saw him at the pep rally.

But that’s it, right? Not exactly.

When I was in my freshmen year of high school, my friend and I were walking through the hall to our art class when I ran into him, again. I believe that this was the first time I noticed him in high school. But during this time, I had completely forgotten about my small crush on him during middle school. It wasn’t until I realized (the same year) he’d been following me on Instagram for a while, and that's when my interest for him piqued.

This small crush continued on over into my sophomore year. During my sophomore year, I spent over nine times trying to forget about him. I kept trying to move on. There were many inexplicable reasons as to why I wanted him out of my life. Each time was as unsuccessful as the last until that one time during middle of the year. I did manage to forget about him and move on. That was until he walked by my table in the cafeteria. That was also the time when I felt like I was thrown back into his trap once again. I was enchanted by him.

And now, it’s finally summer. I’m having a peaceful time relaxing until he randomly popped up into my head while I was with a friend. We were talking about the people in our school, and I found out that my crush has done some things I would never in my entire life choose to do. In fact, I do disapprove of what he has done. But I can’t help wonder if it’s all rumors... Regardless, my feelings for him haven’t changed. Whether his hair changes or his actions may be unjust, my feelings will never change. I’ve finally begun to realize this.

Each time throughout my teenage girl years, this boy has always managed to come back into my life. No matter how hard I try to throw him out of it, he manages to come back. It’s almost as if he’s a leech. But to be honest, this isn’t his fault. It’s more about me. My subconscious refuses to let him go each time. Even my friends are well aware of my true feelings about this boy. Whenever I tell them I will try to get over my crush, they never believe me (probably because I’ve said this to them over nine times).

But now, I think I’ve come to a conclusion: he’s always going to be in my life whether or not I like it. And I kind of do like having him in my life. He’s the only guy that has ever made my heart feel full. He’s the only one who can make my worst days amazing. He’s the only one who would make me feel like the happiest girl in the world without even trying.

He’s my high school crush.