Let's face it, we live in a world where we are expected to be perfect. We need to not only need to meet beauty standards, but we also need to be exceptional in every aspect of our lives from our academics to our careers. This often leads to feelings of disappointment and internalized self-loathing that manifests into negative self-talk. This type of self-talk not only leads us to feeling worse about ourselves, but it can affect us in our day to day. Here are some common things that you may be telling yourself and what to think instead.
1. I am a failure.
As stated earlier, we hold elevated expectations for ourselves and when we do not meet those expectations it can be devastating to our pride and mental health.
Instead of telling yourself that you can say: This moment does not define me. I am more than my mistakes and I will continue to move forward.
2. I am too fat or ugly for this.
The truth is, we are constantly told we need to fit a certain expectation and look. This expectation is often extremely unrealistic and leads to self-hatred. It is time you stop allowing yourself to think like this. You are perfect.
Tell yourself this: I am MORE than enough. The expectations of those around me have nothing to do with me. I am beautiful and perfect as I am. No one can tell me otherwise.
3. This is impossible. I can't do this.
When you are telling yourself that something is impossible or that you cannot do something, you are limiting yourself and putting yourself in a situation that is bound to leave you feeling discouraged. Few things are impossible on this earth and if you tell yourself that you can't do something, you are declaring it into your life.
Instead tell yourself: I can and will do this. Even if I fail, I will not live with the regret of never trying. I am more than my shortcomings.
4. I am completely alone, and no one cares about me.
It may seem like you are completely alone in the world with no one to depend on. This feeling is terrible and does not lead to happy days or thoughts. In fact, thinking like this often will keep you walled off and make it difficult to make new connections.
Rather than allowing yourself to think like this, tell yourself: The relationships I do not have do not make me less of a person. I care about me and that is the most important part. Everything and everyone else will fall into place.
5. I am not smart enough for this.
No one is clever and smart in everything. However, this statement is often used in broad way that makes a person feel bad about themselves in general. If you find yourself thinking this way, try and identify what makes you feel this way so that you can improve in that aspect.
Tell yourself instead: I am intelligent and capable. I will work harder to improve in this area so that I can grow as a person.
6. Why does this always happen to me?
Nothing good comes of throwing a self-pity party. This thought not only magnifies your problems but leads to a downwards spiral of negativity.
Think instead: While today or this moment is not favorable, I will not allow myself to dwell on my problems. I will choose happiness.
7. I am not as good as they are.
How can we not compare ourselves to others in a time where everyone is constantly posting about all the amazing things going on in their lives and their accomplishments. However, you should not strive to be like someone else. You should strive to be the best version of you. The only competition is yourself, remember that.
Tell yourself: I do not have to be like them, all I must do is be the best me. Life is not a competition where I am trying to be better than others. I want to be the best me.
8. Life would be better if x/y/z had never happened.
Regret is painful and is something that keeps a lot of us up at night. This regret may come from a risk you never took or a risk you did take that was not worth it. However, one thing is certain. You must not live in the past. Be present and focused.
Tell yourself instead: The mistakes of my past do not define me. I am more than the decisions of my past and I will utilize these memories to make better decisions in the future.
9. I hate myself.
This is a thought that often cuts deep. The worst part is when we think it about ourselves. It hurts and shows that a better relationship is needed with yourself. Take some time to do reflecting and find the cause of this thought. Figure out a way to get it out of your system because you need to be your best supporter.
Tell yourself instead: I love myself so much that I want the best for myself. I want to grow and change, but I am not seeing the changes right now. I know that everything will be okay in the end.
10. What's the point?
This thought only leads room for negativity. Why would you do something if you are already expecting failure or for it not to work out or be worth it? Sometimes we need to suck it up and press on.
Tell yourself instead: I might not see the point of this right now, but it will be worth it in the end. Even if it is not, it is better to live without regret than to dwell on the chances never taken.
In the end, you need to speak love unto yourself. We are often too hard on ourselves and have expectations of perfection. Remember to be kind to yourself. Your words mean more than anyone else's. If you find yourself thinking these thoughts make the choice to leave negativity where it belongs, away from you.