I've heard so many times from people that I need to bust out of my comfort zone and make friends, but this shit is not as easy as making a simple connection and then having a new best friend. It's not like that.

Being a sophomore in college is a difficult time. You have had a year under your belt but if you didn't take full advantage of it, then this is really like starting over. You know some people but you're not sure you really want to be friends with them anymore. You're stuck between the choice of being who you were and being who you think you want to be. The problem is that you're not even sure who that is anymore.

The fact of the matter is that at a certain point in my life, I looked around and realized that no one was around me. I had nightmares in the middle of the night about screaming for help and having no one to come by my side. Everyone has their lists of people they love, and all I've wanted is to be on a list. Truth is that since I'm not, I decided rip my list of loved people apart until it's proven that they love me too.

Who's there when I need them most? Who's there when I call them up? Who's there?

Honestly, there comes a point in life where we all need someone. Having people that know me but aren't there for me isn't a real support system. When I need someone, it's hard to find anyone who'd answer the call. Coming back onto campus only made this issue worse for me. I've had multiple situations happen where, at the end, I'm left crying and wondering why I'm always alone.

I'm tired of being alone. But the problem is that I'm not mentally prepared to make friends.

So, then what happens? Do I learn how to become comfortable with my loneliness or do I ignore what my mind is telling me, and go out and make friends? This is a question many people ask themselves. Being alone is easy for some people, but not when they're in the situation where they just need one person.

I just need one person to tell me they love me.

That's what's missing from many people's lives: validation. Without knowing that they're supported, loved, or even valued, many people go into their shells while their minds tell them that they're alone. This is the situation I find myself in very often. I've come to find out that many people I thought cared, really don't. I've found that with my struggles, my growth has digressed while all of my peers have come out of their shells and have prospered.

I am behind. I am alone.

I am in a war against myself. I can't love myself, I can't look in a mirror, I can't operate. I thought I was okay with being alone and having no one by my side, but the truth is that I'm not. But I don't care enough about myself to try to make friends. So, is the decision is that I just watch myself wither away until I have no one left? I don't know yet. I don't know whether to tell people I'm drowning or pretend like I can swim.

All I know is that I could use somebody.