You Need A Girls Trip, NOW

You Need A Girls Trip, NOW

A time where we were running away from the stressfulness of our first college semester, together.
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Two weekends ago, my roommate Mallory, and our newly developed college friend Catherine went on a spontaneous trip to Panama City Beach. It all started with me asking "How much money do y'all have, like, 'going out to eat' money?" After suggesting everywhere to eat in our town, we decided that we could drive thirty minutes away from campus to eat something different, and somehow it escalated to a two and a half hour drive to get Pineapple Willy's, at 6:30 PM.

I drove, while Mallory manned the aux cord, and Catherine kept us entertained with her bubbly personality in the back. Just the drive alone was something I needed. A time where we were running away from the stressfulness of our first college semester, together. I laughed almost the entire way, and so did Catherine and Mallory.

We ended up eating dinner first, and walked out onto the beach for a good two minutes, and walking back to my car so we could get some ice cream. Because it was now 10:00 PM, we had to stop at a sketchy gas station with a rude cashier to buy individual pints of Ben & Jerry's. It took us many U-turns and GPS relocations to get to a public pier, but we eventually got back to the beach, where Mallory hunted for crabs and I got soaking wet from trying to get seashells.

With our night being very weird and on-the-spot, the action of going to the beach and going to different places isn't why I enjoyed our small escape from reality, it was being able to let go with amazing girls who I trust. They keep a smile on my face and make sure I have a good time, and (even though I "mother" them most of the time) I make sure they do too. I was reminded that night how important it is to stop worrying about things you need to do, or boys who break hearts, and start paying attention to the people who love and are there for you. So, go out with your girlfriends. You definitely don't have to be as spontaneous as we were, but be there for one another, and make sure you're with the people who make all of the stress go away, thats what they're there for.

Cover Image Credit: Personal Photo

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To The Dad Who Didn't Want Me, It's Mutual Now

Thank you for leaving me because I am happy.
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Thank you, for leaving me.

Thank you, for leaving me when I was little.

Thank you, for not putting me through the pain of watching you leave.

Thank you, for leaving me with the best mother a daughter could ask for.

I no longer resent you. I no longer feel anger towards you. I wondered for so long who I was. I thought that because I didn't know half of my blood that I was somehow missing something. I thought that who you were defined me. I was wrong. I am my own person. I am strong and capable and you have nothing to do with that. So thank you for leaving me.

In my most vulnerable of times, I struggled with the fact that you didn't want me. You could have watched me grow into the person that I have become, but you didn't. You had a choice to be in my life. I thought that the fact that my own father didn't want me spoke to my own worth. I was wrong. I am so worthy. I am deserving, and you have nothing to do with that. So thank you for leaving me.

You have missed so much. From my first dance to my first day of college, and you'll continue to miss everything. You won't see me graduate, you won't walk me down the aisle, and you won't get to see me follow my dreams. You'll never get that back, but I don't care anymore. What I have been through, and the struggles that I have faced have brought me to where I am today, and I can't complain. I go to a beautiful school, I have the best of friends, I have an amazing family, and that's all I really need.

Whoever you are, I hope you read this. I hope you understand that you have missed out on one of the best opportunities in your life. I could've been your daughter. I could have been your little girl. Now I am neither, nor will I ever be.

So thank you for leaving me because I am happy. I understand my self-worth, and I understand that you don't define me. You have made me stronger. You have helped make me who I am without even knowing it.

So, thank you for leaving me.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To The Best Friend Who's 2000 Miles Away

A letter to the person now too many miles away.

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When I first confirmed my acceptance to the University of Minnesota, there were a lot of things to consider.

Not only was there the staggering cost of out-of-state tuition and the drastic change in weather from SoCal, but I was also about to be leaving pretty much the only place I'd ever known, and the only people I'd ever loved. Among them was my best friend.

You can know some people all your life, and they will not make a dent in the person you become. Yet, there are some people you can know for only a few years who can change the course of your destiny. That sounds cliché, but it's definitely true. And, now, 2000 miles away from the person who was my closest confidante, I realize how entirely dependent I was on you.

I'm here in a new place, with a new circle of friends that are quickly becoming another family to me. But, every day, there are times when I turn to talk to you, and once again realize that you aren't there. Once again, I realize that even though we always promised we'd never leave each other, I ended up leaving you and moving halfway across a country.

It's been difficult for both of us, I know. You keep reminding me of how much I miss you, and the calls and texts both help and hurt.

But, I want to say thank you.

This is the greatest test of our friendship yet, and, if we can both make it through, I feel as though we'll never grow apart, never fall away from one another. There's a question I ask myself over and over again, every day that I'm apart from you, every day when there's radio silence between the two of us: I keep asking myself how I'm supposed to live without the person I would live for.

I know I've always had to walk the line between living for myself and living for other people, but I'd like to know how I'm supposed to live when separated from someone who was so constant and unyielding in my life.

You were like a heartbeat: I knew you'd always be there, no matter where I was. Now, I turn corners and it's like I'm being followed by a ghost. It's a kind haunting, but a haunting nevertheless. I know we keep discussing options for seeing each other, but we both know I can't afford a plane ticket back just to be home for two days, and you can't afford to fly out here either.

I think in the end, what I'm trying to say, is that this letter is hopefully some kind of closure. Obviously, it can't be closure, since this friendship isn't ending. But, hopefully, it puts some of those ghosts to rest.

It's not that I don't want to see you and be reminded of you, but I just can't keep turning corners waiting for you to appear. Maybe sometime soon, I'll turn a corner and you will appear. And then we can laugh and carry on as though nothing has changed.

Because it hasn't; distance won't matter in the long run. It just matters so incredibly much right now.

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