My hair, my crown, my alleged pride and joy, has left me with nothing but pain and suffering. I've been met with endless tangled coils and throwing my hands up in frustration after not being able to twist my hair right for the eighth time. I always consider turning back to the infamous box of lye in the back of my closet. But I've stuck through it, for reasons I have no idea why.

I quit relaxing my hair at 14 after I grew tired of my mother styling my hair in James Brown's likeness. I wanted to see what all the hype was about regarding the natural hair journey. I was met with a lot of pain and many, many new kinks and coils - something I had not experienced with my chemically treated tresses.

I had no idea where to start.

I only knew one person who had natural hair, and she was experimenting as well. I turned my sights to Google and YouTube, where I was greeted with hair that was (sort of) like mine. I turned to coconut oil and Cantu hair products, but my hair wasn't like the soft curly type 4A girls I had witnessed online.

I felt like there were so many steps and routines to follow. I had yet to figure out what my hair liked and didn't like. It certainly did not agree with coconut oil.

What I was seeing online was not mimicking what was on top of my head, and I grew depressed and annoyed. I had wanted to give up. I did not have curls that fell to my shoulders, and when I stretched it out it definitely was not bra strap length. It still isn't.

I've come to learn that I shouldn't be obsessed with the idea that my hair isn't super full and super long, or that sometimes it doesn't bounce with every step I take. I'm still unsure of what kind of stuff my hair needs to reach its full potential, but I've stopped taking notes from the 4A ladies a long time ago.

I'm still trying to love my fro for all that it is, and what it has yet to reach. Even if I still can't maintain a good wash day routine.