Hi My Name Is Ally And I Have A Stutter

Hi My Name Is Ally And I Have A Stutter

Let me say this loud and clear, it hasn't been easy growing up not being able to speak like everyone else.

114
views

As many of you may know, October 22nd was National Stuttering Awareness Day. In enlightenment of this day I wanted to share where I was and where I am in this present time with being a person who stutters.

In this past year, I watched myself from another lense. Thanks to the growth of self-awareness I can honestly say it has been quite crazy to start realizing so many things. From the little 12-year-old girl that attended a Camp for youth who stutter and didn't want to talk, to now this 20-year-old young woman who is striving to just live like a normal human being.

As much as we tend to put on many different lenses all the time, I feel as if I am now seeing all the things I do. How things are just embedded in my brain. I tended to sometimes shy away from telling why I felt the way I did cause it felt "too deep to share" or "too scary to call it what it is."Or here is the big one "I'm so weird it won't sound right."

I stutter and it has been really hard to carry all the things it has caused me to believe, accept, and live with.

Back in my younger years, I have never been the one to tell you what I really felt. Having a stutter made me say different things cause it was easier to get out. So, as heart-wrenching as this is, I might have told you a lie about myself, what I liked, or something about my family because it was easier to speak. I didn't want to go through the horror of stuttering really bad and feel like a complete failure and have you walk away.

I lied and said something else instead just so I felt secure enough for you to stay and listen. My stutter caused me to feel angry at who I was. I was imperfect and everyone else around me was perfect. It caused me to look in the mirror and say "I am broke and I need to be fixed just so I can be liked." I felt like I needed to do something to not have this thing that in my eyes was a curse. Which caused self-disappointment.

My stutter became something that controlled every thought, every emotion, and every speaking situation I went into.

I realized it caused social anxiety when meeting new people. Whenever groups of 2 or more people were listening to me speak I would always think "they won't like me." It caused me to doubt myself in what I do. So I tended to go into the safe space in my head that says "hurry end the conversation before you stutter more and it gets weird and a lot worse." And if I kept talking I would internally be telling myself that I sounded like an idiot. (Welcome inner critic.)

It caused me to feel as if I am not worthy of saying things because who would want to be friends with the girl who can't speak like someone else's friends. Stuttering caused me to know what it was like to take the easy way out of things. It's stolen the hope I would have and caused me to expect the highest expectation of myself.

Which we all know when we set really high expectations we set ourselves up to fail.

However, in this present time, I am learning how to connect the dots. I have found an equilibrium with my stutter. Even though there are still things I need to work on. Somedays are harder than others. It is the luck to the draw. I'm learning every day that my voice is something to be proud of, it's something to be heard, and it for sure deserves to be accepted.

Let me say this loud and clear, it hasn't been easy growing up not being able to speak like everyone else. In this fast-paced world where communication is spoken at 1,000 miles a minute, it gets pretty exhausting very quickly.

And sometimes I wish you could take a step in my shoes. You have no idea what it is like to start to talk and you get a laugh, stare, or "are you okay... what's wrong with you?" I wish sometimes this world could just get it... but they don't. Living in a world where in my head I speak fluently and when I go to start a sentence it gets ripped the opportunity to sound just like everyone else.

However, it's a gift I think that has come a long way. It's a gift I'm willing to make known, even if I get laughed at (or whatever people say) to show that people are different and that's okay. I can be different, but I have the freedom to say whatever I want to. And if your first reaction is something else but patience, well then it's my job to give you a reality check. And it doesn't matter how long it takes.

-AKay

Popular Right Now

If You Have A Project You Want To Grow, Crowdfunding May Be The Answer

The benefits of the crowdfunding phenomenon.

290
views

The idea of crowdfunding is exciting, isn't it? A small town poet can use a platform like GoFundMe or Patreon to sell their work directly to those who are looking for it. A community organizer can not only raise funds for an upcoming event, but they can also keep the funds coming in to raise money for the monthly expenses of running their group. A magazine editor can keep their readership engaged through multimedia as well as tangible perks in exchange for tiers of subscription costs.

Crowdfunding makes it so people can combine multiple engagement styles directly with target audiences for a common cause.

What really makes crowdfunding satisfying is getting monetary confirmation that what one is passionate about is supported. Money rules a lot of the world, and receiving money for creating or providing something for others is extremely fulfilling. Different than just going to work and earning a paycheck. Jobs employ workers to create or provide something that has already had a template of origination.

Crowdfunding is running one's own business of creation or providing goods without a bunch of the red tape. In fact, one could say that crowdfunding has allowed sites like Etsy to flourish. One can now make a pretty decent profit just making pins, Mickey ears, necklaces — whatever one can imagine — and get it directly in eyes of those interested. There's nothing to lose in crowdfunding, just the hour or so it may or may not take to set up the site.

Crowdfunding can also be used for temporary things like school funds, funeral funds, and recovery efforts. Need $10,000 to get through a semester at college? Have a sudden death in the family and need $5,000 to pay closing costs and unexpected expenses? Major world disaster like a hurricane or tsunami destroy an entire majorly populated area? GoFundMe is your answer. You'll most likely get twice as much funds then the goal you set.

There's now many crowdfunding sites out there. Outside of GoFundMe, the three biggies are Patreon, Indiegogo, and Kickstarter. So take your pick, make your page, and get some money!

And just in case you're wondering, yes I do have crowdfunding efforts out there for my projects! One for my personal writings, and one for my magazine.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

It's Important That We All Are Able To Step Back, Take A Breath, And Enjoy The Little Things

Really think of the good in your life, don't just hit the surface level of it all.

8
views

The little things in life no matter where you're at adds up. They can sometimes be few and far in between or just as frequent as us being on our phones almost every day. They are what make us give more thought about life, they are being with friends on a nice summer day, an epiphany, a night stroll, listening to music, going out with friends. These finer points in life are what makes it that much more special.

Taking a breather when things get crazier is easier said than done, but it's something that we sometimes need to do and could help us being able to manage life in the long run. Life is not a cake walk for anyone, and I'm not saying that it'll get easier but just because it doesn't get easier isn't going to stop us from living our best life. Sometimes taking a break is what we need sometimes, and that can come in many forms whether that's taking a chunk out of your day to read outside, go on long walks, hang out with friends, etc. Anything that can positively impact you in a way that helps you be able to have breathing room for yourself.

Once you took a breather, go and think on all of the good that's in your life. I mean really think, not just hit the surface level of it all. Think on the many times you've been hanging out with the exact same group of friends for so long and how they've been there for you and you for them, think on the walks that helped you cleared your head or that you have fun doing just cause, think on the little things such as you doing your hobby, favorite food, etc. Just think of all the things you have that mean so much to you, and how they've changed your life for the better.

We get so stuck trudging through life wishing, hoping for something better, wishing we could have a significant other we could hold on to, taking back a really crappy thing we said, feeling as if we're not going anywhere in life, that sometimes we forget to breathe, take a step back and see clearly the place we're at in our lives. Seeing that we have clothes on our back, food in our bellies, friends, and families we could lean on, and a life that deserves to be lived to its fullest.

Those finer points in life teach us is that the good, wholesome people in our lives or starting to show up in our lives help us get through the days and push us to be better people and that the little things we do that make our lives even a little bit better are what makes life worth living and why we should always appreciate those in our life because we only have one life to live.

Sometimes people don't have those points to look on, and it pains me that not everyone would be able to have that but to those that don't have those points to look on just know there are groups of people that are loving, kind, and good. That if you push on just a little bit longer you'll be able to meet those people and live a life you always wanted whether that's with a small group of friends or a big group.

Related Content

Facebook Comments