I’m an eighteen-year-old freshman in college. I have never been in a serious relationship. Meaning, I have never…

• been head-over-heels in love,
• had my heart broken to smithereens, or
• been jaded by the stark coldness of dating in the age of Tinder and “ghosting”.

So, please don’t dismiss me as the eyeliner-wearing Angst Monster who crawls from Hot Topic to steal your glee. I am as fresh-faced and bushy-tailed as they come. Yet, I am still accused of being cynical when the topic of romantic love comes up. That claim is because I don’t exactly buy into the idea of every individual having ~ The One ~. That special someone that humans devote their lives to finding. That special someone who essentially morphs an enigma of gushy and idealistic feelings in the shape of a forever-spouse. You know, your soulmate.

This aforementioned buzzword has caused more harm than good in society. Here are 3 reasons why:

1. It has oversimplified monogamy.

Despite my cynical label, I still hold that marriage is a wonderful and worthwhile institution. However, it also remains one of the most difficult things that people can choose to do.

The idea of soulmates makes love into a feeling, not a verb. This is highly problematic. Folks can be compatible in personality and have those butterfly-emotions at the honeymoon stage, but they must make the choice, every second, to love one another. Love cannot be a fickle mood, it must be a consistent action. When people are in the honeymoon stage, they might be blinded by feelings. Next thing you know, they jump into a wedding with the cop-out justification that they just have found “their person”, without truly delving into the nuanced implications of monogamy. This oversimplification can lead to divorce and separation in marriages that were not as thought-out.

2. It has stopped widows/widowers from finding happiness and love a second time.

The word soulmate has a weird connotation of being with only one person for all of eternity, but what are newly lonely people supposed to when that one person passes away? It is much more promising to think that we can have more than one soulmate in our lifetimes, just so our joy isn’t dependent on one person.

3. It puts too much pressure on one person (who is as fallen and ever-fluctuating as the rest of us).

People grow. They change. We are not the same today as we were yesterday. The idea of soulmates gives people the mentality that you get everything you need from one person. Historically, this is a recent trend— the idea that your significant other exists as your other half didn't always exist.

Honestly, this new concept doesn't appear very fair to me. In fact, it seems impractical and like you're setting yourself up for the disappointment of a lifetime and a pressure no mere person can live up to.

So, that’s my reasoning for not understanding the idolization of finding The One. I find that not believing in soulmates is actually a better mindset for intentional dating in that it is more hopeful and less pressurized for everyone involved. My point is not that you should stop looking for contentment and love, but maybe you should look at other spheres (i.e. your relationship with God or your platonic friendships) and not harp every ounce of yourself into a romantic relationship.