I've been single for most of my life, so, not having much relationship experience, I had to go off of what people told me. TV, movies, and other people's experiences were all I had to go on. It wasn't until I actually got my own boyfriend that I realized what was really going on. I still have a lot to learn, but I think I understand relationships a little better now.
Here's what I'd thought about relationships until I'd gotten one:
1. You need a relationship.
I watched Disney, and I wanted whatever those characters had. I thought that a relationship was all that I needed to make me happy. I was wrong. Getting a boyfriend won't magically change your life. You'll still be the same person if you don't learn how to make yourself grow. You can't expect one person to be able to handle all of your problems for you and make you happy. It isn't fair for him and it isn't fair to you.
2. A relationship is restrictive
I feel as free as I did when I was single. I heard that having a relationship meant that all those fun, single days were over. You can't do whatever you want and not have to answer to anybody. Well, that isn't true. If you want to date around, then obviously a relationship will restrict that, but I personally was never into that. I can still go out and do things by myself or stay home and watch Netflix. Of course, there are obligations. I should talk to him once in a while and try to spend time with him, but that isn't restrictive. That just means I can do fun things with someone. Relationships are supposed to add to your life, not take everything away from it.
3. There's a certain process to follow
For the most part, you have to make it up as you go along. Everyone is different and needs their own time to do things. There are guidelines and pieces of advice that should be considered, but each relationship is unique. It may take a long time to build a deep connection, or it may not take much time at all. Taking your time and finding what works for the both of you is all you can do; there isn't a magical formula for a perfect relationship.
4. It's you two against the world
There tends to be a whole Romeo and Juliet mentality, especially with younger people, that isn't healthy for a relationship. This mentality says that you two can do whatever you want and you don't have to listen to anyone. This is just wrong. You need the advice of others to make a relationship work. This may seem like a contradiction of my last tip, but there's a balance. You two need to figure it out for yourselves, but that doesn't mean you can ignore advice. Since this is my first relationship, I really need all the help I can get. I've asked people who actually know what they're talking about to see if I'm doing the right things. You need to be careful about who you ask, though. Don't ask your friend who has a different boyfriend every week. Ask people who have healthy, long-lasting relationships. Listen to their advice and see how you can implement it in your own relationship.
5. It's all about me
This might be my most important tip. You can't date someone and assume that their every breath is to serve you and your needs. Although they should care about you and try to be good to you, that isn't the only important thing. You get into a relationship to support each other; there's a lot of growing pains and vulnerability involved. If you don't want to have to take care of another person, then stay single.
Well, that's what I've learned so far. I won't blame Disney for creating ill expectations and standards for relationships. They're fantasy stories; they're supposed to be for wishful thinkers. They're still fun stories, but they aren't meant to be taken literally. I'm glad I had the opportunity to learn these lessons; they've really helped me with my relationship.
Hopefully, they'll help you with yours.