The anniversary of my brother's death was Friday October 21, and it really hit me that it's been so many years since his passing. I was only 1 year old at the time, I suppose I didn't really have a relationship with him. But that doesn't mean I don't think about him every day. I wonder what my life would be like if he was still here.

Sometimes I have to question why certain things happen. I am always wondering why bad things are always happening to good people. You would think the good people would have good things happen in their life but that's not always the case. I also question why God would let those things happen. I will never understand the point of taking such a sweet boy away from us. I get things happen for a reason but I will never truly understand why this had to happen.

I don't remember that day at all but my sister and parents do very clearly. I don't know how they even moved through that traumatic situation. Waking up and your son/ brother just gone. I would like to thank my whole family for helping us through that hard day, week and years and that continue to help us every year.

I know it's sad to say, but I never really knew my brother. My mom always tells me I use to sit with him and we would watch wrestling together. My heart sort of breaks because I wish I was able to remember him the way my family does. I wish I knew his personality and what made him laugh. I wish when I thought about him it wasn't from what others told me. I wish I didn't have to watch my family and I go through the pain that we go through everyday especially on the anniversary.

In a way, I think it is good that I was so young when it happened and wasn't able to remember that horrific day because it could have affected me in a very bad way which could have led to me having a downward spiral in life or something worse. When I think of him I don't think of what that day must have been like. I think of all the great people that he touched along his way. No one that knew my brother should think of that day when you think about him. We should all think of the amazing things my extraordinary brother did.

I would like to thank all my family and friends for all their condolences, thoughts and prayers. You all mean the world to us and we are so blessed to have you in our lives.

I'm not here to make anyone cry, but I'm sure this part will be a tear jerker. Finally, I would like to thank you, my angel and big brother Matthew. Thank you for giving me the motivation every day to get up and do whatever I can to make you proud. Thank you for being my guardian angel and watching over me. Thank you finally for being my amazing big brother who I love and miss every day.

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