Wanting A Life Of Traditional Gender Roles Is Nothing To Shame Me For

Wanting A Life Of Traditional Gender Roles Is Nothing To Shame Me For

If your feminism doesn't include the right for a woman to choose to live traditionally, it's not really feminism.
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I have grown up watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and fawning over my something old and something new, all the while racking up dozens of pictures of what my big day might look like. I have a Pinterest board called someday that has hundreds of pins all under one category — Weddings. I realize this seems a bit excessive, but hey a girl can dream. I have this idea in my head of what I want my wedding to look like. and for when that day has come and gone, I have a board titled "life" and it shows adorable aesthetically pleasing pictures of families and little children and husbands and wives dancing in the kitchen. I can't wait for the Sunday afternoons when my husband will be out mowing the lawn, and I will be preparing our family dinner, while my children are off entertaining themselves, their laughter filling our home.

Because of the way I was raised, I have a strong view of what it means to have a husband protect his wife, and a wife, love her husband. My father travels weekly for his job, as a means to care for us as a family, but that’s not to say my mother hasn’t worked just as hard, in her own ways. My mom is a teacher, who is passionate about raising kids with manners and with a desire to respect others. She raises kids right and has instilled that in her students and in her children. At home, she cared for us girls, and she loved my dad.

When someone says "feminist," the last thing that would come to mind would likely be a housewife who does all the cooking and housekeeping, who makes dinner from scratch and puts in a solid effort to look pretty for her husband every day when he comes home from work, no matter what her day was like.

For those of you who are reading this and are already tempted to click out of it because you disagree, or are shaking your head in disapproval, hear me out.

I am 100 percent awaiting the day when we have our first woman president, I get so excited when I hear about women making the news and making a difference in the world, and I am supportive of equal rights and equal pay.

But there is a difference between equality in rights and equality in the way we raise our kids.

I am all for celebrating the beauty, grace, intellect, and strength of women. But when feminism turns into this nasty, in your face, demand for power, sheer independence, and disrespect of men solely due to the fact that we are female, I turn away. Shouldn't true feminism empower women to be who they want to be?

I picture it like this— my husband one day will support myself and our kids, and I will help, no doubt. I also hope that he will have a soft spot in his heart for his little girl and that he will love her unconditionally. I hope that he is chivalrous, I hope that his parents taught him how to respect women, and how to love his wife, how to love his children, and how to protect his family. I hope that he has his passions, and he knows how to have fun. There is nothing wrong with me wanting a husband that will act as a protector and a leader in my family. This belief of mine is rooted in Ephesians 5:25-28 where it is stated,

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."

As for myself, I strive to be independent, I strive to be empowered, passionate, unique, grateful, classy, respectful, and creative. I am working to change the world, but I will do it with poise, and I see no problem with the term ladylike. Class doesn’t mean I cannot have sass. I hope to be the best mother, as being a mother is no easy feat. It means being given the responsibility to raise, rear and revere a child to be mannerly, respectful, successful, and full of fun. Since the dawn of time women have served a purpose in both the household and the community as caretakers, and I don't know why that has to change. None of these things mean that I see myself as less than or unqualified to men. None of these things say that I am a submissive, hushed, or meek woman in the world.

Women are nurturing, it is in their nature. How could it not be after carrying a baby for nine months? It is okay to want to be a stay at home mother, and it is most definitely okay to want your boyfriend to ask your father’s blessing before proposing to you. It is okay if you want to be the loving wife who cooks dinner and does the laundry, it doesn’t make you weak to want to be good at your job.

Sometimes men like to mow, and women like to cook— If your feminism doesn't include the right for a woman to choose to live traditionally, it's not really feminism.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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When You Make A Girl An Aunt, You Change Her World In All The Best Ways

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest girl in the world.

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My brother and his wife recently blessed our family with the sweetest bundle of joy on planet earth. OK, I may be a little bias but I believe it to be completely true. I have never been baby crazy, but this sweet-cheeked angel is the only exception. I am at an age where I do not want children yet, but being able to love on my nephew like he is my own is so satisfying.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a very protective person.

From making sure the car seat is strapped in properly before every trip, to watching baby boy breathe while he sleeps, you'll never meet someone, besides mommy and daddy of course, who is more concerned with the safety of that little person than me.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her a miniature best friend.

There is something about an aunt that is so fun. An aunt is a person you go to when you think you're in trouble or when you want something mom and dad said you couldn't have. An aunt is someone who takes you to get ice cream and play in the park to cool down after having a temper tantrum. I can't wait to be the one he runs to.

When you make a girl an aunt, she gets to skip on the difficulty of disciplining.

Being an aunt means you get to be fun. Not to say I wouldn't correct my nephew if he were behaving poorly, but for the most part, I get to giggle and play and leave the hard stuff for my brother.

When you make a girl an aunt, you give her the best listening ears.

As of right now I only listen to the sweet coos and hungry cries but I am fully prepared to listen to all the problems in his life in the future.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the best advice giver.

By the time my nephew needs advice, hopefully, I will have all of my life lessons perfected into relatable stories.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a number-one fan

Anything you do in life sweet boy, I will be cheering you on. I already know you are going to do great things.

When you make a girl an aunt, she learns what true love is.

The love I have for my nephew is so pure. Its the love that is just there. I don't have to choose to show love every day, I don't have to forgive, I don't have to worry if it is reciprocated, it is just there.

When you make a girl an aunt, you make her the happiest person in the world.

I cannot wait to watch my precious nephew grow into the amazing person that I know he is going to be.

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No UNC Residence Hall Is The Same, So I've Provided Pros And Cons For The Top 5 First-Year Halls

Did yours make the cut?

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Residence halls are a big (and sometimes dreaded) part of the first-year experience at UNC-Chapel Hill. Honestly, though, life in the residence halls is nothing to dread. It's not perfect, but it can definitely be fun.

Beyond the convenient proximity of other first-years in the different residence halls, your social life may also benefit from UNC Housing's many community events. You get a lot of community support, too—your RA, your suite-/hallmates, your community director, and hopefully your roommate.

What about the buildings themselves, though? They're definitely not all the same. The following is a definitive list of the best five residence halls for first-years on UNC's campus.

5. Craige

http://reslife.web.unc.edu/2015/06/01/the-view-from-craige/

Pros: This residence hall is suite-style, which means there are four double rooms (i.e. eight residents per suite) and one bathroom—arguably better than sharing a larger bathroom with 20 more residents in a hall-style dorm. More privacy, a better chance of bonding with those seven other students, etc.. If you're interested in UNC basketball (and you should be, honestly), you'll be happy to know this residence hall is right up the road from the Dean Smith Center. It's also nestled into a quaint little grove of trees, which is cute.

Cons: This residence hall is (somewhat affectionately) known as Crusty Craige, and not without reason (according to previous residents). While it is in a nice location, it's still a good trek from main campus—the hill from Craige up to Manning is killer on one side, and that's just the beginning of the walk. Since the residence hall is only six floors high (and is mostly surrounded by short trees), the view isn't as impressive as that of, say, Hinton James' balconies.

4. Lewis

https://conferences.unc.edu/lodging/residence-halls/lewis-residence-hall/

Coming in at number four, Lewis is the only residence hall on this list that isn't located on South Campus.

Pros: This building does have laundry facilities, unlike some of the other residence halls on North Campus. Also, it is a remarkable one-minute walk from the student union and Davis Library, meaning you aren't nearly as likely to get lost during your first week (at least, on your way to the Pit—class buildings are a whole other story). I cannot stress this enough: it is super convenient to live so close to main campus.

Cons: You miss out on the first-year experience of living on South Campus, where most first-years begin their UNC journey. Also, there are typically less than 100 other residents in Lewis, which limits the number of people with whom you can bond during your first year (when you'll likely be the most focused on building your college network). That also means less RAs and smaller hall events. Also, it's a hall-style residence hall (this is a debatable con, though, since some people would definitely prefer hall-style over suite-style).

3. Koury

https://unc.freshu.io/melissa-cordell-751/best-freshmen-dorm-to-live-in

Pros: Koury is pretty close to the SASB buildings, which are full of great resources for first-years (namely the Learning and Writing Centers, where you can receive free tutoring, academic coaching, and feedback on your essays). There are internal suites, which means that only three other residents will be sharing a bathroom with you. This means you can furnish the bathroom with whatever rugs or trash cans you prefer, and you have a lot more privacy than in other residence halls, as far as the bathroom goes.

Cons: Since the bathroom is between the two double bedrooms, you have to clean the bathroom yourself, as well as provide your own toilet paper—the flip side of enhanced privacy is that you don't get custodial services. Also, with the internal suites, sometimes it can be more difficult to socialize with other people on the hall (although your RA is there to solve that problem!). Lastly, if you walk out of your room and forget your key, you're locked out—the door locks automatically upon shutting.

2. Hinton James

https://www.dailytarheel.com/article/2017/07/hinton-james-leaves-a-legend-and-a-legacy-in-uncs-most-populated-dorm

Maybe I'm biased—Hojo was my own first-year res hall. I'm sure someone will fight me on this, but I really enjoyed living there.

Pros: There are tons of people, which means there's a good chance you'll find some friends near your room. It's a suite-style dorm, so obviously, the suite-style advantages of Craige apply here as well. Also, there is a package center located on the first floor, so you don't have to trek to some other residence hall to pick up your latest Amazon orders. There's a huge staff of really fun RAs, which means there's always someone around with whom you can talk about any problems or concerns you may have. The view from the balconies isn't bad, either.

Cons: I encountered a roach once. Also, again, there are a lot of people in Hojo, so sometimes it's kind of loud. Not ideal if you prefer studying (or sleeping) in total silence. Lastly—and perhaps most annoyingly—this is the furthest residence hall from main campus (and therefore your classes). It's about a fifteen-minute walk to the Pit...doable, but aggravating after a while. On the bright side, it's close to several bus stops.

1. The Winner: Ehringhaus

http://reslife.web.unc.edu/2015/06/23/the-view-from-ehringhaus/

This residence hall is right behind Koury, so a lot of the location-based advantages/disadvantages still apply.

Pros: There's a bus stop literally right out front, there aren't a ridiculous number of residents (so it isn't super loud or anything), and it's suite-style. As if that isn't enough, you only have to cross the road once outside the residence hall if you're walking to class (and trust me, crossing Manning/Skipper Bowles/Ridge is a whole experience). Additionally, this residence hall is one of the closest to Subway and Rams Market.

Cons: The pronunciation isn't always agreed upon by incoming students (but by all accounts I've heard, it's pronounced like "Air-ing-house," you're welcome). Also, it's kind of far from class buildings (like a 12-minute walk from the Pit).

Really, the cons aren't bad at all. This residence hall offers all of the community excitement of Hinton James but is slightly calmer and closer to main campus. That, coupled with the fulfillment of the crucial first-year experience of living on south campus, puts Ehringhaus at number one in my book.

I think the south campus residence halls are inherently better than the north campus ones just because the daily 15-minute trek to class is practically a rite of passage for UNC first-years. That said, all of the residence halls have their unique advantages and disadvantages, and you can have an awesome first year no matter where you live.

For more information on each residence hall, I'd recommend scouring https://housing.unc.edu/housing/residence-halls. Welcome to UNC, kiddos!

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