Wanting A Life Of Traditional Gender Roles Is Nothing To Shame Me For

Wanting A Life Of Traditional Gender Roles Is Nothing To Shame Me For

If your feminism doesn't include the right for a woman to choose to live traditionally, it's not really feminism.

I have grown up watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and fawning over my something old and something new, all the while racking up dozens of pictures of what my big day might look like. I have a Pinterest board called someday that has hundreds of pins all under one category — Weddings. I realize this seems a bit excessive, but hey a girl can dream. I have this idea in my head of what I want my wedding to look like. and for when that day has come and gone, I have a board titled "life" and it shows adorable aesthetically pleasing pictures of families and little children and husbands and wives dancing in the kitchen. I can't wait for the Sunday afternoons when my husband will be out mowing the lawn, and I will be preparing our family dinner, while my children are off entertaining themselves, their laughter filling our home.

Because of the way I was raised, I have a strong view of what it means to have a husband protect his wife, and a wife, love her husband. My father travels weekly for his job, as a means to care for us as a family, but that’s not to say my mother hasn’t worked just as hard, in her own ways. My mom is a teacher, who is passionate about raising kids with manners and with a desire to respect others. She raises kids right and has instilled that in her students and in her children. At home, she cared for us girls, and she loved my dad.

When someone says "feminist," the last thing that would come to mind would likely be a housewife who does all the cooking and housekeeping, who makes dinner from scratch and puts in a solid effort to look pretty for her husband every day when he comes home from work, no matter what her day was like.

For those of you who are reading this and are already tempted to click out of it because you disagree, or are shaking your head in disapproval, hear me out.

I am 100 percent awaiting the day when we have our first woman president, I get so excited when I hear about women making the news and making a difference in the world, and I am supportive of equal rights and equal pay.

But there is a difference between equality in rights and equality in the way we raise our kids.

I am all for celebrating the beauty, grace, intellect, and strength of women. But when feminism turns into this nasty, in your face, demand for power, sheer independence, and disrespect of men solely due to the fact that we are female, I turn away. Shouldn't true feminism empower women to be who they want to be?

I picture it like this— my husband one day will support myself and our kids, and I will help, no doubt. I also hope that he will have a soft spot in his heart for his little girl and that he will love her unconditionally. I hope that he is chivalrous, I hope that his parents taught him how to respect women, and how to love his wife, how to love his children, and how to protect his family. I hope that he has his passions, and he knows how to have fun. There is nothing wrong with me wanting a husband that will act as a protector and a leader in my family. This belief of mine is rooted in Ephesians 5:25-28 where it is stated,

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."

As for myself, I strive to be independent, I strive to be empowered, passionate, unique, grateful, classy, respectful, and creative. I am working to change the world, but I will do it with poise, and I see no problem with the term ladylike. Class doesn’t mean I cannot have sass. I hope to be the best mother, as being a mother is no easy feat. It means being given the responsibility to raise, rear and revere a child to be mannerly, respectful, successful, and full of fun. Since the dawn of time women have served a purpose in both the household and the community as caretakers, and I don't know why that has to change. None of these things mean that I see myself as less than or unqualified to men. None of these things say that I am a submissive, hushed, or meek woman in the world.

Women are nurturing, it is in their nature. How could it not be after carrying a baby for nine months? It is okay to want to be a stay at home mother, and it is most definitely okay to want your boyfriend to ask your father’s blessing before proposing to you. It is okay if you want to be the loving wife who cooks dinner and does the laundry, it doesn’t make you weak to want to be good at your job.

Sometimes men like to mow, and women like to cook— If your feminism doesn't include the right for a woman to choose to live traditionally, it's not really feminism.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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Dear Mom, I Hope You Know

I hope you know that I am here for you--until the very end.

Dear Mom,

I hope you know that I appreciate you.

You are the hardest working woman I know, continuously putting your family before yourself. Thank you for doing all of the tedious jobs that no one wants to do like keeping the house in order, cooking the food, and doing the laundry. Thank you for constantly putting up with my siblings and I. Thank you for always supporting us in our interests and hobbies. Thank you for investing in our daily lives and listening to our minor problems. Thank you for always loving us unconditionally.

SEE ALSO: 51 Things My Mom Didn't Think I Was Listening To...

I hope you know I'm sorry.

I know I can be a big pain in the butt sometimes, and for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for yelling at you, arguing with you, not listening to you, and making dumb decisions at times, but thank you for loving me anyways. Thank you for helping me stand back up, teaching me right from wrong, and pushing me to be the very best version of me.

I hope you know your love inspires me.

You live your life with a love that is contagious. Whether its nurturing love, tough love, friendly love, or romantic love, you have it all and you show it daily. The love you and Dad share is something I hope to find one day and the love you have for your family is evident in the way you constantly put us first.

I hope you know that you are my biggest role model and hero.

Ever since I was a little girl, you have been the person I have looked to in my life. You are strong, independent, confident, loving, supportive, and nurturing-- everything I strive to be as a woman and as a future mother. You give the best advice, even when I don't always take it. Though, I should know better by now because mothers always know best. Without you in my life, I honestly don't know where I'd be.

I hope you know that you are my best friend.

Not only are you my biggest cheerleader supporting me in everything I do, you are the person I talk to about everything, whether it's good or bad. I'm honestly so thankful for the relationship we share because I've had countless screwups and you literally give the best advice. Seriously, thank you for being the person I can count on at all times, at any time of the day or even night to just talk with. I mean we really do have some of the best conversations, best laughs, best cries (when needed), and the most fun watching cheesy chick flicks together or going on crazy shopping adventures.

SEE ALSO: I'm The Girl With The Cool Mom

I hope you know that I am here for you--until the very end.

I don't mean to make you cry or anything -- even though you probably already are, but I want you to know that when the time comes, I'm going to be there for you just like all of these years you've been here for me. I will be there to support you, talk with you, laugh with you, cry with you, and love you for all of my life.

Honestly, I can't really imagine my life without you -- but it doesn't matter because I wouldn't be here without you, so here's to you.

Thank you for being you.

Love you lots!

Your daughter.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr

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Some Of You Never Lived In A Dorm And It Really Shows

Dorms are weird and so is college, but some of you might not know.


Such an exciting time, the beginning of the school year when thousands of bright eyed and bushy tailed college freshmen pack up their things, arrive on campus and try to make a glorified cracker box into their new home. If you asked ten different college students about their experience living in the dorms I'm sure you would get ten very different and very interesting answers.

For those of you that never had the pleasure (or not) of living in a dorm, here are just a few of the curiosities it provides.

1. Living With An Absolute Stranger


I don't know who thought up this practice that is otherwise thought of as dangerous, but I'd like to talk to them. Thankfully my situation didn't turn out too bad. Only one of our roommates was a little sketchy, but only because she was never home and didn't talk, then moved out at semester. Nothing like my friend's roommate who puked in his own bed then left it there for over a month... clearly, that kid was ready for adulthood.

2. The Bathroom Situation


Most dorms have communal bathrooms and that right there calls for an endless array of gross and awkward situations. Shower flip flops can't even save you from those unidentified objects stuck in the drain and you don't know what's been in that toilet today. Figuring out the delicate choreography of getting in the shower without being seen naked and dodging all the cute boys in the hallway while you run to your room in your robe with your hair in a towel.

3. Interesting People On Your Floor


You are living in a building for a year with hundreds of people. Eventually one of these individuals will no longer be able to contain their freakish ways and habits to the inside of their room. I'm talking about the kids who run through the lobby in their onesies, water guns in hand, having an argument over their favorite anime characters. Also the guy I met at 11 a.m. on a Wednesday in the elevator who was in only his boxers searching every floor for his clothes, wallet, keys, and dignity.

4. Figuring Out Adult Things Together


Usually, when I break something and need to fix it I go to my parents, but in the dorms, I only had three roommates who probably did the same so we had to get pretty creative. Is that expiration date real or just a suggestion? Probably whichever roommate loses noes-goes has to man up and test it. Thankfully we have the internet now so problems like that time we accidentally got expo-marker stuck on the AC panel were able to be fixed with just the click of a button.

5. The Unpredictable RAs


It's pretty much a game of roulette with what kind of RA you'll end up with. Will it be the cool guy who opens the first meeting of the year with the sentence "Listen, guys, I'm not a regular RA, I'm a cool RA. Do what you want, just don't get caught ok?" or will it be the RA that suddenly thinks this is their chance to become the Cop from their childhood dreams. "DID I JUST HEAR LAUGHTER? SIMMER DOWN IN THERE OR I WILL WRITE YOU UP." Unfortunately, I had the latter.

6. The Forever Bond You Share With Anyone Who Ever Lived In Your Dorm


Any time I am out and mention that I lived in Lewis Hall someone comes running over screaming "LEW CREWWWW" and gives me a high five. Then for the rest of my years on campus proceed to do so every time they see me out. We all went through the same thing inside those walls, we all know the politics, and we just get each other on a level no one else can. I don't make the rules, it's just how it is.

So long story short if you have the opportunity to live in the dorms, definitely do. This list may sound like a list of reasons to scare you off, but I assure you it is the same list that most dorm veterans also get sentimental about. Dorm life is your right of passage as a freshman and you should definitely take it.

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