Wanting A Life Of Traditional Gender Roles Is Nothing To Shame Me For

Wanting A Life Of Traditional Gender Roles Is Nothing To Shame Me For

If your feminism doesn't include the right for a woman to choose to live traditionally, it's not really feminism.
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I have grown up watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and fawning over my something old and something new, all the while racking up dozens of pictures of what my big day might look like. I have a Pinterest board called someday that has hundreds of pins all under one category — Weddings. I realize this seems a bit excessive, but hey a girl can dream. I have this idea in my head of what I want my wedding to look like. and for when that day has come and gone, I have a board titled "life" and it shows adorable aesthetically pleasing pictures of families and little children and husbands and wives dancing in the kitchen. I can't wait for the Sunday afternoons when my husband will be out mowing the lawn, and I will be preparing our family dinner, while my children are off entertaining themselves, their laughter filling our home.

Because of the way I was raised, I have a strong view of what it means to have a husband protect his wife, and a wife, love her husband. My father travels weekly for his job, as a means to care for us as a family, but that’s not to say my mother hasn’t worked just as hard, in her own ways. My mom is a teacher, who is passionate about raising kids with manners and with a desire to respect others. She raises kids right and has instilled that in her students and in her children. At home, she cared for us girls, and she loved my dad.

When someone says "feminist," the last thing that would come to mind would likely be a housewife who does all the cooking and housekeeping, who makes dinner from scratch and puts in a solid effort to look pretty for her husband every day when he comes home from work, no matter what her day was like.

For those of you who are reading this and are already tempted to click out of it because you disagree, or are shaking your head in disapproval, hear me out.

I am 100 percent awaiting the day when we have our first woman president, I get so excited when I hear about women making the news and making a difference in the world, and I am supportive of equal rights and equal pay.

But there is a difference between equality in rights and equality in the way we raise our kids.

I am all for celebrating the beauty, grace, intellect, and strength of women. But when feminism turns into this nasty, in your face, demand for power, sheer independence, and disrespect of men solely due to the fact that we are female, I turn away. Shouldn't true feminism empower women to be who they want to be?

I picture it like this— my husband one day will support myself and our kids, and I will help, no doubt. I also hope that he will have a soft spot in his heart for his little girl and that he will love her unconditionally. I hope that he is chivalrous, I hope that his parents taught him how to respect women, and how to love his wife, how to love his children, and how to protect his family. I hope that he has his passions, and he knows how to have fun. There is nothing wrong with me wanting a husband that will act as a protector and a leader in my family. This belief of mine is rooted in Ephesians 5:25-28 where it is stated,

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."

As for myself, I strive to be independent, I strive to be empowered, passionate, unique, grateful, classy, respectful, and creative. I am working to change the world, but I will do it with poise, and I see no problem with the term ladylike. Class doesn’t mean I cannot have sass. I hope to be the best mother, as being a mother is no easy feat. It means being given the responsibility to raise, rear and revere a child to be mannerly, respectful, successful, and full of fun. Since the dawn of time women have served a purpose in both the household and the community as caretakers, and I don't know why that has to change. None of these things mean that I see myself as less than or unqualified to men. None of these things say that I am a submissive, hushed, or meek woman in the world.

Women are nurturing, it is in their nature. How could it not be after carrying a baby for nine months? It is okay to want to be a stay at home mother, and it is most definitely okay to want your boyfriend to ask your father’s blessing before proposing to you. It is okay if you want to be the loving wife who cooks dinner and does the laundry, it doesn’t make you weak to want to be good at your job.

Sometimes men like to mow, and women like to cook— If your feminism doesn't include the right for a woman to choose to live traditionally, it's not really feminism.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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An Open Letter to the Best Friend I Didn't See Coming

Some people come into your life and change you forever—thanks, bestie.
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Dear best friend,

I wasn't expecting you when God placed you in my life. I had my friends. I had my people. I wasn't exactly open to the idea of new meaningful friendships because I had the ones I needed, and it didn't seem like I really needed anybody new.

Thank God that was false. Sometimes you meet people and you just know that you're going to be good friends with. Sometimes you meet people and you realize that there is no such thing as chance. I think God has a funny way of making it seem as if the things that happen to us are by chance, but honestly, that’s a load of crap. If the biggest moments of our lives were left up to chance, then I believe that would make God out to seem as if he didn’t care. It would make it seem as if He was truly abandoning me and making me face some of my most important seasons fully isolated. But you, best friend, are a true testament to the fact that God doesn’t just leave such important aspects up to chance. Thank you for taking a chance on our friendship, and thank you for allowing me to take a chance on what I didn’t realize would be the most impactful friendship in my entire life.

Thank you for being real with me. Thank you for not sugar coating things. Thank you for telling me when I have a bad attitude. Thank you for loving me through my mistakes. Thank you for supporting me in my decisions, even if it isn’t always the decision you would make. Thank you for wanting the best for me, and for making that your true intent behind the words that you say to me, whether they be constructive criticism or encouragement.

Thank you for being a goof with me. Thank you for putting me first. Thank you for seeing the importance of our friendship. Thank you for making time in your schedule for us to just sit and do homework, eat Mexican food, or sit on the porch and listen to music that emotionally wrecks you.

You’re one of a kind. You’re a shoulder to lean on. You’re a safe place. You’re a free spirit. You’re rough and tough, but your heart melts for the people you love and it’s obvious. You’re more than meets the eye. You are worth getting to know. You are worth loving. You pursue people. You are passionate about your future. You are everything that a person needs, and I really thank God that for some reason you continue to choose to be in my life. Thank you for literally dragging me up my mountains of fear when I want to stay exactly where I am at and wallow in the sadness. You bring joy—true joy—wherever you go. You are my best friend, confidant, and biggest fan. You will be the Maid of Honor, Godmother, and fun Aunt.

I used to think lifelong friendships weren’t really a thing. It just seemed like people always grew apart and forever was never a point that was attainable. Best friends forever is a cliché phrase that is continuously overused nowadays (sometimes, I even used to make light of it), but thanks for making that a reality. You are truly the best friend I could have asked for. So thank you for it all. You make life more fun, and I couldn’t thank God more for making an incredible human, friends with me.

I love you, pal!

JQ

Cover Image Credit: Julia Dee Qualls

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7 Of The Most Influential Women In History Who Left Their Stamp On The World

In honor of International Women's History Month, here are seven of the most influential women in history who left their stamp on the world in today's society.

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These are the women who made put the foundation to make our present and future possible. Even today, they still continue to inspire other young men and women. In honor of international women's history month which lasts from March 1st through the 31st, here are seven of the most influential women in history.

1. Rosa Parks

Rosa Parks is a well known African American female who refused to give up her seat on a segregated bus in Montgomery, Alabama in 1955. As a result of her actions, she was arrested which led to a nationwide campaign boycotting city buses in Montgomery.

Her brave actions played a very important role during the civil rights movement that eventually led to the end of bus segregation. Rosa Parks was given the nicknames "The First Lady Of Civil Rights" and "The Mother Of Freedom Movement".

2. Harriet Tubman

Harriet Tubman was a former slave and abolitionist who escaped from her plantation to lead other slaves to freedom using the Underground Railroad. The Underground Railroad was a network of secret routes and safe houses that led to the northern states. She dedicated her whole entire life to helping others slaves escape who wanted freedom too. Harriet Tubman also led a secret life as a former spy during the war helping the Union Army.

3. Madame C.J Walker

Madame C.J. Walker whose real name was Sarah Breedlove, an African American, who became a self-made millionaire and entrepreneur. In fact, she was considered the wealthiest African American businesswoman in 1919.

She created her own wealth by developing and selling her hair care products. Madame C.J. Walker stumbled upon her wealth when she tried to find a product that would help with her scalp disorder which made her lose the majority of hair.

This is when she began to experiment with home remedies and store bought hair treatments which inspired her to help others with their hair loss after she saw significant improvement in her hair. She also was a very generous person who helped her community by giving to those less fortunate.

4. Coretta Scott King

Coretta Scott King was an American activist and writer alongside her husband, the world famous, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, who fought for civil rights through peaceful protest. She supported nonviolence and women's rights movements.

After her husband's assassination, Mrs. King assembled and established an organization called "The King Center" in memory of her husband who believed in non-violent social change. She also led the petition to have her husband's birthday become a federal holiday which was eventually successful.

5. Susan B. Anthony

Susan B. Anthony, a Caucasian female, was a suffragist and civil rights activist. She campaigned against slavery and fought for women to be given the right to vote.

Her role definitely played a vital part in providing for the preparations for laws in the future for women rights. She worked with Elizabeth Cady Stanton to create the America Equal Rights Association (AERA) in 1866.

6. Daisy Bates

Daisy Bates was an African American activist and in 1952, she became the president of the NAACP in Arkansas. As a mentor who played a key role in helping to integrate the school system in Arkansas, she wanted to end segregation and helped do that with the introduction of the Little Rock Nine.

The Little Rock Nine was nine African American students who were enrolled in Little Rock Centeral High School, but the governor of Arkansas refused their admittance. In 1954, the Supreme Court ruled segregation in schools were unconstitutional; however, African American students were still being denied in all white high schools.

In 1957, history was made when Daisy Bates helped nine African American students known as the Little Rock Nine to become the first African Amercians to attend an all white high school.

7. Ida B. Wells

Ida B. Wells was a former slave in Mississippi, African American journalist, and a leader in the civil rights movement in its earlier years. Ida was born in 1862 to parents James and Elizabeth Wells.

In 1892, she began an anti lynching campaign after three African American men were abducted by a mob and then subsqequently murdered. She was a founding member of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People also known as NAACP.

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