The first time I ever heard the term oreo was probably when I was about 10. People used to call me that a lot. Please don't think too hard about it, it means exactly what you think it does. I used to think that was a compliment until I got older and realized that it wasn't. That was all before I realized I was a token.

In elementary school, I didn't feel as much like a token.

Obviously, I experienced some unpleasant things but my brain didn't have the mental capacity to interpret them as anything more than upsetting. Middle school is where the tokenizing became more apparent. That was when they separated us into basic, advanced, and double advanced. I was placed in the double-advanced math track because I achieved at a high academic level in elementary school.

But the farther I went the less I saw people who looked like me.

Then, I got to high school where they start you off in honors or college prep or if you have an individual graduation plan. In your junior and senior years, you get to choose if you do International Baccalaureate or Advanced Placement courses.

So I went from seeing maybe 10 other black kids in elementary school in my class to two in high school. I remember that coming out and being extremely confused as to how that could happen.

I'm sure you're like, "Well that had to be weird right?"

Yes and no.

While it was happening, I wasn't questioning it.

I just assumed I got put in classes and I got opportunities because I was smart. But this semester, in my Journalism 291 class, we read "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell and it made me completely rethink why my childhood played out the way that it did.

Was I really that smart?

Or, was I smart for a black kid so they kept me in higher level classes so the school could look better on paper?

So yes, while it is super weird that everyone in my classes is always white, it's what I've always known. I also used to play softball so more than once I was the only black kid on my team. But along with always being the only black person comes the micro-aggressions.

Apparently, I was "one of the good ones" as if an entire race can be "bad" and only a select few are "good." Or how I am an "oreo" because I sound "white" and act "white."

I know my name is the name people use when they say they aren't racist because they have a black friend. It's the same way when people ask for my opinion on something as if I represent all black people everywhere.

Now, I go to a predominantly white institution so nothing has changed. If I see five black people on campus in one day, I'm usually pretty happy. I just want to see myself represented at school for once.

I never thought that that was too much to ask for?

When I think back over my life, it is hard for me to determine whether I was pushed for my abilities or so I could be everyone's favorite token?