When I was in high school, I had my whole life planned out (in grave detail might I add). I would kick ass in school then graduate and move into an extra small dorm room. I would get an internship at a major publication and when I graduated they would offer me a full-time position.
I would get a super small apartment in New York for my newly adopted dog and I, which I would pay for with my writing paychecks. On Friday nights I would attend and participate in readings at local coffee shops where I would meet cool people who are also interested in writing. On Saturday mornings I would take my dog for a walk in Central Park and spend the day working on my novel.
Saturday nights would be filled with art shows and drinks with friends. Summers and holidays would be filled with trips around the globe; maybe even a book tour here and there. I would end up being a veteran writer at whatever publication I was at and eventually work my way up to editor before retiring.
During my career, I would have at least two books published and feature spreads in the publication. When I retired I would move to Florida with every other elderly person; I would wear the ankle socks with flip flops and Hawaiian button down shirts and cargo shorts. I would walk my three dogs on the beach every day and become best friends with people at my favorite restaurant in town. And then I would eventually die like everyone else.
As I wrote this, all I could think was: that was too simple. My vision had always been simple and frankly, very lonely. I always knew I didn't want to raise kids; I’ve always felt like I wouldn’t be a suitable parent. I knew I wanted pets and to me that was going to be enough.
I never wanted to get married because I’d be “tied down.” I couldn’t see myself dating someone for the long haul because they’d eventually want marriage and I wasn’t about that life. I thought that if I was with someone they would just want me to stay home and not chase wild ideas or adventures. I had this black and white basic life planned for myself. And then I met you.
Once I got to know you, everything changed. For the first time I could imagine a future with someone. I could envision us going on trips to any destination; we would be each other's best friend. I could actually see myself settling down, not in the conventional white picket fence way, but rather in a modern apartment.
I could imagine us building a life together. I saw us creating a family together. I never second guessed myself when I announced, “I don’t want kids,” but now, I wouldn’t mind adopting kids with you. I know that you would never hold me back from chasing an out of the box idea, but rather you’d be running with me.
You’ve added so much color into my world and continue to do so every single day. You’ve shown me adventure and passion in ways that I never thought I would experience. You taught me that there is always love in the world, even in moments of hardship. Because of you, I am a better person. Because of you, I believe in the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for being my splash of color in this black and white world we live in.
Love Always.