My Resume is Non-Existent, and I Don't Own a Blazer

My Resume is Non-Existent, and I Don't Own a Blazer

"I don' t know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future."

Freshman year was one of the most fun and exciting years of my life. Yes, school was important; making good grades was definitely a priority. But at the same time, it was a seemingly "care-free" year. I'm now a sophomore, and although I'm not the "bright-eyed and bushy tailed" freshman that I was a year ago, I am still wanting to be the same, care-free student. However, college has a different agenda.

Last week, my friends were all freaking out about a career fair. Blazers on and resumes in hand, they embarked on a mission to find a future employer. They fixed their summer schedules, practiced "business" talk, and dressed for literal success. Meanwhile, I was sitting in my bed watching "The Office" and making Snapchat videos of myself with the deer filter.

And while I try to make it seem on the outside that I am content with being in this stage of life, I'm actually freaking out. Because while everyone else is being proactive about their futures, I'm not even sure what I want to do. Heck, I'm not even sure if I like my major. I don't know if I want to spend every day in an office or wearing a pant-suit. I don't know if I could enjoy a seemingly monotonous job. I don't know if I even want to have a job. But the world is constantly telling me that being successful means having a job and making lots of money. The world says that if you don't make six figures, drive a fancy SUV, and live in a two story, brick house with a cute front porch, you're basically a failure.

So yeah, you could say that I'm kind of freaking out in this stage of life I'm in. I basically feel like a failure. Why don't I want what everyone else wants? Why don't I own a blazer? Or a pant-suit? Or a pencil skirt? Why do I have no clue what I'm going to do with my life?

As I sit here, getting down on myself and feeling like something is so, so wrong with me, I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of peace: a feeling that I don't have to figure this out on my own. In fact, I don't even have to figure it out at all because it's not my plan to figure out. It's not up to me to decide where my life is headed, who I'm going to marry, what job I'm going to have, or where I'll be in five years. And while that's scary, it's extremely comforting.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight," and Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

It's not up to me to plan my future. I have no authority to try to figure it out and make it happen. And while accepting that I don't have that control is terrifying, it's also an opportunity for me to take a deep breath. No, I don't own a blazer. No, my resume hasn't been updated since my senior year of high school. No, I may not be planning on going to a career fair any time soon. However, I do have someone who is taking care of all of it for me. Yeah, I have to put in at least some effort. But it's not MY plan we're talking about here, and that, my friends, is such a relief.

To all of my friends who are slowly figuring out what the Lord is planning for them: I'm envious of you, yet so, so pumped for you. You're killing that pencil skirt, and your resume is incredible. And to all of my friends who have no idea what their future holds: take a deep breath. He'll reveal His plan to you soon enough.

Will I purchase a pant-suit sometime soon? Who knows. But for now, I'm going to continue to live a life full of "The Office" and rest: resting in the fact that I have no control whatsoever.

Cover Image Credit: PR Blonde

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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My Relationship With Religion Will Never Be Black And White

and that's okay!


I was raised Christian let's get that out the way. Growing up in a small town I went to Awana (a children's church group Wednesday nights) and then once I was in middle school started youth group that night instead as well as a normal church on Sundays. If you would ask me from me being really young to probably around 15 I was all about church and building a relationship with God.

After leaving public school and growing my presence online and meeting so many people from all walks of life, I started questioning things.

Suddenly, I was immersed in this community with the best people who just loved everyone regardless of gender or sexuality or race and it was the place I was able to come to terms with something I had always repressed, my feelings towards girls.

I knew the moment I started talking to a girl named Laura that I had feelings for her I would normally have for a boy and because of the people I now had around me I just didn't suppress it. I identified online and eventually to family and friends as bisexual.

My questions started with wondering how my god this loving all knowing entity I had always known was un-accepting and promoted the exclusion of the LGBTQ+ community from the Christian faith. I knew that this community was full of the most loving and creative and beautiful people I have ever met and that was the start of me knowing my relationship with God would never be the same.

As I grew up and have become an activist for the things that mean a lot to me I have stopped attending church and have begun to see that I do not want any part in ANY religion that takes part in shunning anyone based on how they identify. I have been vocal about this to many people some more excepting then others but regardless I will never again take part in something that I myself am not 100% accepted within

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