Freshman year was one of the most fun and exciting years of my life. Yes, school was important; making good grades was definitely a priority. But at the same time, it was a seemingly "care-free" year. I'm now a sophomore, and although I'm not the "bright-eyed and bushy tailed" freshman that I was a year ago, I am still wanting to be the same, care-free student. However, college has a different agenda.
Last week, my friends were all freaking out about a career fair. Blazers on and resumes in hand, they embarked on a mission to find a future employer. They fixed their summer schedules, practiced "business" talk, and dressed for literal success. Meanwhile, I was sitting in my bed watching "The Office" and making Snapchat videos of myself with the deer filter.
And while I try to make it seem on the outside that I am content with being in this stage of life, I'm actually freaking out. Because while everyone else is being proactive about their futures, I'm not even sure what I want to do. Heck, I'm not even sure if I like my major. I don't know if I want to spend every day in an office or wearing a pant-suit. I don't know if I could enjoy a seemingly monotonous job. I don't know if I even want to have a job. But the world is constantly telling me that being successful means having a job and making lots of money. The world says that if you don't make six figures, drive a fancy SUV, and live in a two story, brick house with a cute front porch, you're basically a failure.
So yeah, you could say that I'm kind of freaking out in this stage of life I'm in. I basically feel like a failure. Why don't I want what everyone else wants? Why don't I own a blazer? Or a pant-suit? Or a pencil skirt? Why do I have no clue what I'm going to do with my life?
As I sit here, getting down on myself and feeling like something is so, so wrong with me, I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of peace: a feeling that I don't have to figure this out on my own. In fact, I don't even have to figure it out at all because it's not my plan to figure out. It's not up to me to decide where my life is headed, who I'm going to marry, what job I'm going to have, or where I'll be in five years. And while that's scary, it's extremely comforting.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight," and Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
It's not up to me to plan my future. I have no authority to try to figure it out and make it happen. And while accepting that I don't have that control is terrifying, it's also an opportunity for me to take a deep breath. No, I don't own a blazer. No, my resume hasn't been updated since my senior year of high school. No, I may not be planning on going to a career fair any time soon. However, I do have someone who is taking care of all of it for me. Yeah, I have to put in at least some effort. But it's not MY plan we're talking about here, and that, my friends, is such a relief.
To all of my friends who are slowly figuring out what the Lord is planning for them: I'm envious of you, yet so, so pumped for you. You're killing that pencil skirt, and your resume is incredible. And to all of my friends who have no idea what their future holds: take a deep breath. He'll reveal His plan to you soon enough.
Will I purchase a pant-suit sometime soon? Who knows. But for now, I'm going to continue to live a life full of "The Office" and rest: resting in the fact that I have no control whatsoever.