"You do not, in any way shape or form, get to tell someone that their mental health issues are not real."

I recently ran a poll on my Instagram to see whether all my readers wanted a personal story, or a story about my PTSD and anxiety recovery after leaving emotional abuse. After almost 24 hours, the results were about 50/50 with lots of votes (thank you all for voting). So, I decided to combine the two, while also giving a little advice.

I will just tell you the advice at the beginning. I applaud being blunt and telling your truth, so here is my truth. You do not, in any way shape or form, get to tell someone that their mental health issues are not real. Plain and simple.

You see, after I left the emotional abuse I had been put through, the next few weeks were horrific. My sleep schedule was a disaster because I was too afraid to sleep. I would finally doze off at four in the morning and wake up at six. I would nap for an hour and wake up terrified out of my mind.

Then, I would be unable to eat. I would force myself to eat anything, even if it was unhealthy, because I knew I needed food in my body, but the anxiety was making me want to vomit. For several weeks after starting my recovery, I barely ate anything, which added to my significant weight loss.

I had flashbacks too. I would stare at the floor and zone out to a moment I was being abused. This could be yelling, comments, moments I felt unsafe, but my mind would go back to the specific moment and make me relive it. I could feel the air, smell my surroundings, and I could even remember voices and cracks in walls.

"I can describe to you the screen that it was stuck on..."

One memory I have is after a snarky, short comment that made me feel so worthless. What I remember from the memory is the cracks in the tile flooring, the air smelled stale and it was as if you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. I remember that I was shaking, but there were no goosebumps on my arms.

I could even remember what he was wearing and the noise of a certain game in the background. I can describe to you the screen that it was stuck on, that I was holding a orange mechanical pencil in my hand.

Then, after flashbacks came anxiety. My chest would tighten as hard as a knotted rope before slowing my breathing to wheezy huffs. My body would shake, my face would go pale, and my mind would race 1,000 miles per hour. It was as if my brain hit every bad scenario in several seconds. My body experienced those feelings of being there all over again.

I spent weeks trying to convince myself I was finally okay, but still reliving every second. Its been a while now and I still have flashbacks. I hear something, smell something, etc, and it takes me right back to that moment. I can be stuck in these flashbacks for several minutes or just a few seconds, but the effects linger.

After a flashback, I usually sit quietly to myself and try to hold my emotion. I have to rethink it in my head and remind myself that it is over, which reminds me that I am safe.

I also had vivid nightmares where he would come to get me, or that I was still in the unsafe environment and there was no way out. I was totally trapped.

"I was diagnosed with PTSD and Adjustment Disorder."

I was diagnosed with PTSD and Adjustment Disorder. Adjustment Disorder will eventually fade. The disorder was triggered after experiencing trauma and abruptly being put in a new environment, but there is not timeline on PTSD

According to University of Maryland Medical Center, The Anxiety and Depression Association of America, The National Center for PTSD, and three therapists, I was experiencing PTSD.

First symptom, I was reliving my trauma through flashbacks and nightmares. Secondly, I was avoiding all pictures, social media, driving, etc to escape the thought of my trauma. Third, I was constantly depressed, thinking I would never be lovable again and I was convinced that I was in the wrong. Lastly, I couldn't sleep, eat, concentrate, and I was easily startled.

"I learned all of my triggers, things that set off my PTSD, and I chose to live life."

So, I based my recovery around my diagnosis. I treated my symptoms by slowly introducing myself to the things that make me nervous. I finally am able to look at a certain pair of shoes without crying and its been months. I learned all of my triggers, things that set off my PTSD, and I chose to live life.

But, the hardest part was the feedback. I was told I shouldn't date so soon, that I needed to take more time alone to think things through, I was told I didn't have PTSD, it was suggested that the whole trauma was my fault, and many more comments that were unwarranted.

"You do not get to tell me how I am doing in my recovery."

It was often that I was getting comments like "you need to stay busy and get a job and go do activities," or people giving me rude advice on how to handle my recovery (or denying that I needed recovery at all). But here is what I have to say to that...

You do not get to tell me how I am doing in my recovery. You don't get to tell me how I can and cannot cope with my trauma. You 100% don't get to say that I have no trauma without even knowing anything about the situation.

For future reference, if you know anyone who is going through a trauma, think before you speak. Ask yourself, am I close to this person? How you handle personal relationships are outside of this conversation, but if you answered no, then just stop.

It isn't okay for anyone to tell a survivor of trauma that they are handling their recovery wrong. Their recovery is something you can't control because it's theirs. Don't tell them when to move on, when to stand still, or that they don't have trauma at all.

I was told that I don't have PTSD. I was told that I was blogging about this for attention. If you are reading this to give me fame and glory, please leave because I don't want the recognition. If you are reading this to be an open-minded person and learn about other's trauma, welcome to this blog.

You don't get to determine anyone else's hurt, recovery, or mental health because you have an opinion.

I will continue to grow in my own recovery and I will continue to own my trauma because when a flower starts wilting, you don't blame the flower. You fix its environment. So, why are you choosing to tear me down when you could be helping me preventing others from going through similar things?